Please Don't Hate Me....
I'd have to confess for a long, long time to get everything down on this post as to what I've done.... But the fact is I did it...I succeeded at losing my virginity when I was 16 to a guy I really loved (whom I will refer to as C.). Guess what happened after that??? I get "introduced" to some of his friends and the next thing I know, I'm f+@king C. on a regular basis, I'm s******* his identical twin brother (A.), and he encouraged me to! But about a year ago exactly, C. died...Horrible car accident.
Then, I begin my somewhat friendship with one of his close friends, D. ...
And I was so numb emotionally I thought the world had ended for sure. But C.'s brother, A. came back around to make sure I was okay or whatever, and then he...he raped me. I told my other somewhat friend D.; he just kinda looked at me blankly. D. didn't do anything to help.
When the rape had happened, I tried to fight him off, honestly. (I know this sounds kinda weird/ kinky, but I attacked him with an bullwhip.) My effort didn't work and well, you know the rest on that one.
Eventually, it became a regular thing, except at some point I wasn't sure if I was cooperating or not, but then, after all this, I get involved via A., to one of his friends, who winds up being D. ...Go figure on my character judgement, right? So, then,I...well, things get even weirder than they were before.
Because things had started out so simple with the A. thing, it was a clear-cut case of rape. Eventually, that whole entanglement starts with simple commands or all he did was typical, normal s**. the changing point was:
One time, he asked me if I wanted to or not. My heart felt like it was breaking. His blue eyes looked so like his dead brother's; they looked and seemed so much the same. I said yes.
Then, it became so much more. I got involved emotionally, although I knew the two dangerous words for the situation like this: Stockholm Syndrome.
Anyhow, the s** gets to the point where I'm disgusted with some of what's going on...There are details I'm not sure I shoukd go into, one of the incidences being the time he watched as I got a***-ed to the point of bleeding by some guy I didn't know but A. knew well. ...
I wonder if I brought this on myself.