Why I'm alone

There was a boy I fell in love with in the eighth grade. He was my best friend and he loved me too. It was pure and painless.
Two years into our relationship I had to move away to North Carolina. I assumed he'd leave me since we were so young, but he said "I'll wait for you." and I believed him, because I loved him.
I'm now a junior in high school. We are still 'dating'. I haven't seen him for six months.
I know for a fact he's f***** my old best friend and at least three other girls since I've left. But all the time I've been here I haven't bothered to make close friends because I had him. I'm afraid to leave him now. I'm afraid simply because I'm scared there'll be nobody left to love me when he's gone.

He was my first boyfriend. Ever.
He took my innocence from me in eighth grade. He told me we'd get married. I still believe him. I'll marry him because I've never felt the love of anyone else.
He's bad for me, and I know it. I can't say no to him, and he knows that. I am a borderline alcoholic, and an atheist, and anorexic because of him.
He doesn't even know what he's done. I've never let anybody see.
I'll never leave him. It's been too long. I'm going to pretend it's a fairytale until something snaps.
That is my confession.

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6 Comments

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  • get a job... go to aa find God and eat a big mac

  • Love, I feel for you. I think you need to put yourself first. If you're 16 and battling an eating disorder and a drinking problem, you need to get yourself out of this situation and get some professional help. Life, I am afraid, will never be a fairy-tale, but it can be far more wonderful than what you are enduring now. Leave him, get well, and find out just how great life can be.

  • GOD people stop calling her a dumbass!
    If you KNOW you love him and can't imagine loving someone else, stay with him. But just follow your gut, don't go against the grain.

  • your a dumbass.. get some friends its not that hard

  • you deserve better. make your own fairytale, because he's obviously not the right person for you. you'll find the right person for you who will love you no matter what in time. your still young. dump him, because he is the cause of this. you need to take care of yourself

  • first off: youre an idiot
    secondly: it was 3 years of what will,hopefully, be your very long life
    third: youre an idiot, you deserve better. do better.

    FYI if you know he cheated the "fairytale" is already ruined

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