I feel like I can't hold on any more
I feel like I am just the dustbin for all of the s*** around me. I'm a nice person, and always make time to help others instead of always thinking about myself, but
- My parents bailed on me after I fell in love with someone not of my own race, and they refuse to accept him. Bang went my relationship with them. They've hardly cared to know I was alive since I moved in with him. I'm an only child
- Said guy soon became physically, verbally and emotionally abusive himself, and I've now had eight years of depression, self-loathing, and anguish as a result.
- I don't have a single friend who would not be somewhat p***** off if I was desperate and needed to call them at 3am or something, despite the fact that I'm always there for other people, whatever the hour.
- I've attempted suicide once by cutting, but that depressed me even more, as the razor wasn't sharp enough and I couldn't even cut myself properly, for f***'s sake.
- My love for my guy has evaporated, but I'm now in love from afar with someone else, who is a beautiful and soft-hearted guy, but whose girlfriend treats him like a dog. I can tell he likes me too, but he doesn't have the b**** to tell me. Surprise surprise. I'm just so good at attracting people who are gutless and bad at taking responsibility.
So, now, I'm wondering what the h*** I've got left that's worth hanging on for? I've had it with everything, and there doesn't seem to be much to look forward to...