For the past 8 months I've made it to avoid relationships. I was having fun just hooking up with a couple of different guys every so often. Not random guys, per se, but I had 3 different guys to choose from who knew the score of the game.
Well that became rather lonely, and when this guy i had been friends with asked me out, I accepted without really thinking. It's been two months and i've realized that this is not what I want at all.
Sure, I do like the guy; I mean he's funny, kind, and has a big heart, but he's just not for me. The problem is i'm not sure if I want to break up with him because for selfish reasons I'll be alone again, and for his sake I can keep the pain away for a little longer (i'm going away to a different school and won't be able to see him in a few months anyway)
I think maybe I'm just not good with the innocent, which he is. I like passion and desire in a relationship, not romance, which i suppose sets me apart from the stereotypical girl.
In the past week, however, I broke my cardinal rule. And what worries me is that I honestly don't really care. I've formed a strange physical relationship with one of my exs, and we've been hooking up. It's sad to say, but I'm not so fond of relationships where religion doesn't allow s**.
This wouldn't bother me if I felt guilty about it, but instead I honestly have no emotion on the matter. It's what I wanted and so I took it.
So I guess for now i'll continuing ditching my 'boyfriend' for my ex because sometimes s** is more important than a relationship.