Hate.

I know it may sound like a moody, convenient way to vent (after all, I'm only 14 - and a girl, at that). But I assure you, it's the solid truth.

Let's start with my peers. Now, I know every human has their imperfections and such, but I just feel my classmates are the most ignorant, completely dispicable people I think I have ever had to dwell with. Although there may be a few exceptions, for the most part, each and every one of them give me on a daily basis to despise them. And, not even that; but the teachers themselves seem to carry and ferment the a******-gene with age. The kids cuss, they hit, they personally attack, and they do everything to ask for an expulsion; but always go unpunished. Figures. They tear me up in the form of jokes one moment, criticize me the next, and are in love with my the following. It's h***.

Now, on to my friends. If I were a loner throughout my life, I think I would've been much better off; alas, to survive and achieve in life, you need people besides your parents and teachers to like you. There inlies my friends - the most disrespectful, obnoxious people. I honestly don't know how I have the humanly capacity to bear them enough to hang out with them almost ever other day after school. They forced me to grow a facade, which I hate myself for letting them do; they convinced me to wear namebrands such as Hollister and Aero, they conformed me to listen to the HORRIBLE modern music (I much perfer Radiohead to Lil Wayne ANY DAY) and pretend to like it, and ruined me as a public individual. And, they're selfish, inconsiderate leeches - they start s*** with weaker kids, they ask me for money and rides everywhere, they're S**** ( CAPITIAL S - L - U - T - S), and they make fun of me, talk about me, personally attack me, and hit me on top of that (I AM NOT A TOUCHY-FEELY PERSON). I was taught pacifism, and to love and be loved, by other people. Their retarded generation of parents just kept continuing the cycle of stupidity and hatred. Believe me, whenever they get out of my car, the radio station of 102.1 INSTANTLY becames 104.5; I'm not a fake person to my loved ones, like my father - I'm merely surviving the social pyramid. If I were to wear the clothes I chose to wear, I'd be exiled and wouldn't be class president, I wouldn't be favored by everyone. But the falseness that I'm conveying is beginning to tear me up to the inside; my hair's falling out from stress of being in all these clubs and the new reason why one of these b****** are mad at me (and going to attack as a pack) combined. I can't take it.

Continuing to my family life - a living h***. Although I have just begun to form a healthy relationship with my dad again, my mom is a complete basket case. Believe me, I don't want to hate my mom; I try my best to love her and a be a daughter every day. It's just this churning hatred. She was diagnosed with many mental disorders; she threatened to kill herself numerous times. I understand she's sick. But, you see, she abuses the privileges of being sick. She has a complex where she believes that she should (LITERALLY) be waited on hand and foot by my father, and ALL SHE DOES is sit in her chair, cuddled up in a blanket, and dominates the living room all day. She doesn't cook, she doesn't clean, she rarely shops, she DOESN'T work (never did) - even though we're in SEVERE financial distress. I never asked for handouts - h***, my life is dedicated to working for the better of my family and for others - I live for other people. It's just that, she works my father to the bone - and it's visibly killing him. She constantly begins arguements with him and I for know reason, and he almost commonly sides with her because he has too much of a conceious. He wants to leave her - believe me he does - but it's a combination of the fact that she owns the house and that he loves her too much to watch her wither that he is forced to stay. She's killing my dad, and he has virtually no way out. I hate it. So whenever I ask anything of my dad, it's always too much - all he ever wants to do when he's home is sleep, eat and drink before he gets back to cleaning the toilet, or cooking, or doing the laundry - and me asking of him springs a DAILY, flow-blown, curse-out, hitting arguement. I absolutely hate the position I'm always placed in. I feel ridiculously bad for my dad, he doesn't deserve this - he's the most giving, kindest person I've ever meant in person, truly.

In a nutshell, I have this pent-up hatred for people around me. I vent by volunteering, going to the library, and getting out of the house; and I don't want to live in this position anymore. I'm highly considering moving to Florida with my relatives. I just - I can't take this anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm home from school on a Thursday because of my deep depression and angst caused by my friends - one of them said they lost their respect for me because I apparantly did something with one of their exes. I have 20.5 abscences - I'm a straight-A student, and my school's threatening to fail me for the year although I have medical issues. It's all killing me. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to let go of everything.

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  • You're like every typical teenager around that age. Uh, your friends are making you listen to music you don't like, and wear clothes you don't like? What are you, some r***** who can't think for themselves? A robot? Under their control? Good god, be yourself then. You hate people, but YOU have faults that YOU need to fix. You're depressed and angsty because they don't respect you? Yeah, you're friends aren't real friends, and there is no reason to be upset over friend/school drama. Grow the f*** up. I know it'll probably take a few years, seeing as you're fourteen (and thus just beginning this phase), but TRY to be more mature. Your classmates are kids---of course they're obnoxious a*******. So are you. Just ignore them. Get through it. Make REAL friends, instead of being in some dumb group of a*******. It's YOUR life. YOU change and make choices.

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