My best friend, "Mallory," has dated a man, "Phil," for almost five months now. Phil and I have been best friends for nearly three years, since I was almost 13 and he was 21. I met Mallory through him. Phil and I have had some chemistry since his previous wife, "Virginia," dumped him. The two of us made out once before I found out he's dating Mallory. Phil and I tried to behave, but it was incredibly difficult some nights. Then, one of those nights, we both lost our inhibitions and did it. We used to have a brother-sister relationship, but now we're something else. And Phil and I flirt, kiss, and play, among other things. Phil has given me the joy and happiness I never thought I would have.
But I feel simply awful about the affair. The entire relationship (Mallory and Phil, Phil and I) is all online, and I'm often chatting with Mallory and Phil together while in a different chat alone with Phil. Mallory frequently asks me what I'm doing, and I've had to lie or omit parts of the truth, as has Phil. Mallory thinks that Phil loves only her and is fairly public with their relationship. Today she posted that Phil has given her the best five months of her life and that she knows their relationship will continue to grow. She does not know that she is actually sharing Phil with me or that Phil has told me that he wants to break up with her. I actually feel bad for Mallory and her not knowing the real truth - that Phil loves me more than her and that we've talked about meeting in real life as well as getting married. And I feel so guilty about the secret affair, but at the same time I'm truly happy with Phil and "need" to be with him to be happy. I know that Phil's and my relationship is wrong, but it just feels so right. And I hope that Phil and I can be together forever and a day.