To gambling away my future

to using a weapon

to taking drugs

to smoking

to being modest

to drinking alcohol before i was 18

to avoiding people

to taking weight gainer before i was 18
to daydreaming

to daydrooling

to feeling vulnerable

to feeling overextended

to feeling liberated

to feeling paralyzed

to feeling a sense of discovery

to feeling like i am always in a rush

to having wet dreams

to feeling like i am losing my sense of identity

to feeling like my life is out of control

to having hidden anger

to feel like i am falling through the air

to feel like i am being chased

to feeling scared

to being a coconut

to being a coolie

to having nightmares

to being agitated

to having clinical syndromes

to having disorders

to having stressors

to having physical conditions

to functioning

to talking to the air man

to claiming to be sick

to looking for natural cures anywhere

to being a sketchball

to being completely random

to being completely withdrawn from reality and attempting to create one of my own

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