I was raped when I was sixteen, a rape kit was filed and I chose to go get help right away however something possessed me to have s** with him again at eighteen. I had so much hate for him and still do.
Please go get help this is just awful. Men are all pigs and should be castrated as soon as they are born. May they all burn in h*** for eternity.
The man who date raped me did much the same thing. I was not attracted to him at all. at a party the boss said "do you think any of the guys here are nice, and she said "oh he is looking at you what do you think of him?" and I said "oh he seems ok, sort of not bad" and smiled and deep down I was too embarrassed to be rude and public protocol in a party you say "oh yeh, he seems ok sort off person not bad looking I guess" but that doesn't mean "I want to go out with him and I want f*** him!" and I was drunk by now and just tried to be polite rather then say "well they are really old and ugly actually" and the fact is there is BIG DIFFERENCE IN COMMUNICATION AND UNDERSTANDING THERE. the next thing i know is he is drinking his fav scotch expensive and looking back he must have thought he was going to score that night like a fool pig in mud, and then the Boss spoke up when I was leaving and he offered to drive me home or some of the sailors, next thing I thought he was going to drive but no he gets his silly mate to drive and him in the backseat and I was drunk so he gets in ready to rape me in the car backseat and he went to far because i didn't want to be kissing him and it felt bad and awful but that happened, but no way would i have got in the car if i had known that was there plan if i had been sober,
I wanted to get home safe and not with that s*** going on as i had never done that before. because I didn't want to go out with him or know him and didn't want him f****** me or raping me when he suggested we meet up to walk around the city. then he asks me upstairs to his rooms for a drink and look and I thought he was going to introduce me to some of the single guys on the ship but no! he gives me a heavy drink and went for me like a cheap ali- grater and raped me and that was my first s** experience and i was being told by people this was all normal way of life and i was so ugly i didn't deserve better anyway then parcels in the mail come of dead threats and i wondered if it was from him. we chatted on line and he was like i like you but i am married but i want to get you out of your shell and help you and you need to be having s** more and around guys and i will build up your confidence with s** and do you feel better now? and no I didn't then he wanted me to get on a plan. saying I am helping you get out to see the world and learn independence. so 6 mths later i goes and do what he wants and hated being near him and couldn't wait to get away. and he was first thin say when see me "I want to tie you to the bed and rape you" not a gentlemanly thing to say. but i was so dumb and fooled at the time I thought this was all normal. he said he would never leave his wife and I said well, I don't want you that way anyway and when i seen him last he goes "I will check out a guy you like next time so he is right for you" or some s*** and I am thinking "excuse me but I don't need you to check out any man for me" and I don't like or love you and I am after another guy someone way better who can give me what I really need. not your s***." he has stalked me but I don't love him. I just want him to leave me alone to find some better guy and give me what I really need.
It sounds like he was pursuing you and messing with your head. its like a relationship of abuse where the wife goes back and is raped and abused or the girlfriend is not aware of what is happening around her and is lead to believe that any abuse or games in a relationship is ok and it is not. don't feel bad. you did nothing wrong but fall for trusting him again. a man can confuse women like this to stay in an abusive relationship and that its all normal and its not til you get older and get professional advice when you can see that he was abusing you and messing with your state of mind.
Hmmm, was the person who raped, someone you knew and fancied at the time? How did you feel, after the rape transpired? I ask this, as every rape victim, may have different emotions.Did you report the perpetrator? As it appears you didn't, because you stated you had s** with him, when you were 18.Either that, or he was prosecuted and served a short sentence.I don't know what state you live in and what the length of sentence, your state sanctions for rape.I'm assuming it depends on the circumstances leading upto the rape, the rape itself and thereafter.You state you hate the perpetrator, but still had consensual s** with him at 18, I'm assuming this act may have been, psychological.Maybe seek, medical/therapeutic help.Good luck and god bless.
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