Irony

It's ironic that I held a castle so hard around me, to never get hurt. When I did though, I managed to brake down the barrier. I let more people in. And I learned you can't live life like that. Never letting anyone in, because when someone finally does. They get too close you trust them with everything. Then when something happens that brakes that bound. Your left with nothing. I've lived that way for too long. Yes, the memories that I shared with that person were some of the best, also the worst. I learned that now I can attract that same feeling of happiness with other people. More, actually. And why I felt like myself, around this person. I feel better now knowning who I am and that I have people there for me. Yeah maybe I do use a site for some of this stuff. I also use journals, friends and family. I'm someone who knows how to use things around me. Im bot able to get over things right away. It takes me a while to process everything and make my own closer. It's a healthier lifestyle. It's senior year now, and I'm excited to go back because I know this year I'll be happier and successful. I'm going to graduate, ive got a 2.8 and now im be courted by a guy that I really enjoy his company. I think that sometimes things aren't meant to make since, and that's okay. Sometimes you just have to let it go and move on in your own way. I just want this person to be able to find herself and be successful as well. Hopefully one day she'll return to the person I knew. The person I loved. I know that we can't ever continue or start over what we had, but it's still a wish of mine. Although I'm not sure what god I belive in, what lable I deserve, but I pray to whoever is there. To my god that she will be okay, she will get help. And save herself. Because I can't. I know we can't go back because Its too far destroyed. Maybe in another life, maybe whatever follows after this one, I can accept a relationship. Just in the present, she hurt me past anything my human mind body and soul can currently forgive. I'm in the process though. Some day, I'm sure I will.
JB.

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