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My ** up life pains me
There are few things that I care to be truthful about but my life is **. There are things I wish I could forget. I have no faith in mankind or my ability to trust anyone. I am afraid to open up to someone and let them see the mess I have become. My mind and thoughts are my worst enemies because I never can escape from myself. I don't feel that I am alive and I don't want to die. I feel crazy inside and all kinds of ** up but I bottle it up until it gnaws at me and I want to explode and scream 'til my throat is sore. I lie to others and myself when I smile and pretend to be happy. I have not once felt joy in anything I have done. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to feel alive.
Oh sweetheart...u r not alone...thank you for writing this....right now I am feeling so much connected to you....I really want to give u so much pleasure to you in all possible manner