I wish I was single

I'm not single, but I wish I was. It sounds horrible, let me explain. I've been with my boyfriend almost eleven months, and they've been amazing, I'm head over heels for him, he makes me happy. But he's on holiday, I went to a party without him two days ago, boys were dancing with me, and I had several offers to make out and I wanted to. I said no to several simply because I didn't want my boyfriend to find out. Then this one boy, his name is Chris.. We had a drunken fling last summer.. He asked me to come upstairs so I did and he started to kiss me passionately, I loved it! We agreed not to tell my boyfriend.Then last night I was speaking to a friend of mine-Josh. We started to talk dirty and I loved his attention, he was begging for me to come on cam so I borrowed my sisters laptop. I was sat in my bra and a thong and he took his top off, he had a six pack and it was so sexy. He told me if I took my bra off, he'd take his trousers off and so I did. Then I took my thong off and he took off his boxers, he had a big p****. He started to m********* and told me to do it too, and I did! I don't know why because I won't even do it for my boyfriend. After he left the room, and when he returned he moved his camera, I'm scared that he's taken a picture or something. I'm scared that he won't talk to me again and just used me. I'm panicking so much. He's not online today and I don't want to text him out of desperation... I feel sick. and the worst part is I'm so nervous and I think I may have feelings for him, what if I don't love my boyfriend anymore? I can't tell anyone and that's what is hurting me most

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