I'm an idiot!

It was college and I have a classmate who was very beautiful. She appears to have many admirers, although very few have attempted to court her. At first, admiring her and saying she is very beautiful is too mainstream, so I resort to deny liking her. By the way, I am not that good-looking and has nothing to brag about.

Anyway, many times when we meet face up, I just look at her to see if she would greet me before I greet back. She did greet me most of the time and I began thinking "is it possible that she likes me?". But I just explained myself maybe she is just being nice.

One day along with our other classmates, we managed to have a group chat at the classroom and there she asked what is my facebook account, or at least add her. I still thought that she is just being nice. When I came online, I can see her online too and she would chat me, saying hi. This became a routine, however, I told myself that I should not fall for her because I don't want disappointments. I made a rule not to chat her unless she chat with me. Soon, long discussions with her made me feel very comfortable with her, and I knew I am falling in love with her, but still tried looking at her as friend. Then, there came a time wherein I forced myself to say "I love you" after too much thought. However, she just laughed.

Then one she invited me to go to a mall, I never considered it a date, but it appears as one. This further increased my wishful thinking that she indeed liked me.

Months passed and when we were in a picnic as friends, she puts her arms on my shoulder, this surprised me, with me putting my arms in her shoulder also. I then began hugging her and decided to reveal my feelings further and decided to court her. She smiles and hugs me back and we continued being with each other in school. On another occasion, I decided to kiss her and she kissed me back, passionately. There I knew that she really loved me.

However, sooner, I was bombarded with paranoia. Whenever she doesn't talk to me, I always feel that she doesn't like me anymore. I always look for signs that maybe she is just being forced to me because really, she is too pretty to be with me. I always think negatively that maybe there are other guys that are much better compared to me that might advance to her, and she will like that guy too. I really, really love her and I don't want to waste her life being with me if she doesn't want to. I don't want to know one day that she is just being with me because I am the first suitor she accepted and she doesn't want to break my heart because of her kindness.

Many times I tested her love for me. However, she is not very showy about it and does not get my clues. Then I decided to complain about her lack of affection to me, asking if she still loves me. She said yes. This happened on many situations where I will try to observe her love for me, and it turns out negative on my analysis. I then confront her about it and she will still say yes. Then one day, she just got angry with my constant paranoia. She decided to break up with me, then I see her tears in her eyes. This broke my heart and I really wanted another chance with her. She gave me but she stressed out that I should try trusting her, but still not expect her that much to love me again to avoid disappointments. I broke up with her with a good feeling of having another chance.

But then, paranoia kicks in. I was very anxious about finding out if she has replaced me with other guys, just to know if my planned efforts for her is worth it. I decided I will never be okay unless I see myself: by hacking her facebook account. There, I knew myself that she really is loyal to me. However, she found out about me hacking her, and our relationship went further down. Right now, she really hates me. I flooded her with apologies and explanations, but she really is very mad. The way she talks to me is very mean that it breaks my heart. I don't know what to do. I really love her, and the least I wanted to do is remove her anger in me. What should I do?

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  • As a female I'd like to comment here
    you need to ask yourself about meaning in life
    do you really love this girl or the idea of her
    if she were a couple notches down per se would you still feel the same?
    Men tell women and the world how they like pretty girls
    and visual things so women follow suit and dress nice wear makeup ect ect to find a mate. And yes women like to be told they are pretty but when it seems like thats all that is really noticed we feel a bit used.
    Also it seems your so visual that you seem to expect the same of her to find someone who is based or fixated around looks either that or you feel highly insecure about yourself
    (maybe a bit of both.)
    and while some women can be this way not all of us are.
    One of the most meaningful relationships I ever had was with a big hairy guy twice my size....so yeah trust me there is more to it than that.
    Also because you class her as "out of your leage."
    you place yourself downward a few notches and this is what you project outwards to her or others. when you don't love or respect yourself others will not follow suit.
    Also you need to realise that accusations hurt the most when they are NOT true. This is true to both men and women. I had this done to me before and yes it hurts. Maybe you should ask this girl why she loved/loves you and what qualities made her choose you as a mate. Maybe some answers will help you to get closure or find some sence of security. Also if you feel she isn't affectionate enough or doesn't show her love for you in the way you would want simply be honest oppracch her calmly don't accuse her and tell her simply in a way thats more heartfelt instead of causing aruguments. I would suggest doing something special for her if your trying to get her back like a gift or a date night maybe a poem. just some suggestions. Oh and whatever you do if she takes you back DON'T HACK HER FACEBOOK AGAIN otherwise she'll be gone.

  • PUTANGNA MO! WALA AKONG GUSTO NI ISA SA MGA PUTANGNA KAIBIGAN MONG TANDANG! PUTANGNA MO DOUGLAS!

    HAYOP KA! BUGAW KA! TUNA NA BUGAW KA! ANG TINDI MO, HUMANDA KA DOUGLAS! MATATA-UHAN LANG KAYO KAPAG

    PINATAY KO NA ANG ISA SA MGA SUITORS NA YAN! PUTANGNA MO DOUG! HAYOP KA! SINUSUMPA KO ANG BUONG

    PAMILYA MO AT MGA ANAK MO NA MAGDUSA! HAYOP KA! MAKARMA SANA ANG MGA ANAK MO KAHIT PATAY KANA,

    SANA LAHAT NG ANAK MO DANASIN ANG PAG LUHA KO SA KAMAY MO,PUTANGNA MO! NAPAKA HAYOP MO! WALA KANG

    AWA,BINIBUGAW MO KO KAHIT KANINO! HAYOP KA! HUMANDA KA! WALANGYA KA! PAGSISIHAN MO TO! PAGSISIHAN MO TO! PUTANGNA MO! PIMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAYOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TANDAAN MO TO! HUMANDA KAYO PUTANGNA MO! PAGSISIHAN NINYO TO. HAYOP KA DOUG HAYOP KA! KAHT ANO PANG GAWIN NILA, WALA AKONG GUSTO NI ISA SA KANILA! HAYOP KA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITO ANG PINAKA MALAKING PAGKAKAMALI MO P*** D O U G! HAYOP KA! GAGANTIHAN KO KAYONG LAHAT! PUTANGNA!

  • Yea you are a Idiot. Heres the thing. You are so intimidated by her beauty that you are gonna lose her. What you need to do is work on YOURSELF. You have major insecurities in yourself and its gonna drive her away.. or it sounds like you already have. Women don't want a man thats insecure its unattractive. And FYI I've dated plenty of guys that aren't really the best looking guys but their personalities blew me away. I fell in love with one of them he's not a cute guy but it was who he was that made me love him. You have to be confident in who you are. I'm telling you this right now. You MUST fix yourself b4 you go any further. You can try to repair things if you change. But that girl is gonna be gone if you continue down this path.

  • Well, i'm sure she didnt mean to be sarcastic. She's hurt, you cant blame her. just dont forget to do something really nice, show some effort. You said it yourself, not many get to be with her . You're lucky that you get to be with her so treat her right. yeah, sure . Glad to help you. And no, I aint no dude. :p .

  • I really hope I can turn back the time. She continuously rejects me and even intentionally say sarcastic things.. I plan on avoiding her first while giving her time to vent her anger. Thanks dude(?), really glad to at least have someone care....

  • Do something nice to her. Perhaps takes her to dinner or something. YOU SHOULD STOP BEING SO PARANOID. No woman would like it if their man watch their every move. They also want some freedom and some space. If she really loves u, she would take u back. Since u broke her heart multiple times, u shouldnt blame her if she ever decide to move on. Remember this, never try to set ur expectation too high. Take things slow and go with the flow. Most importantly, learn to trust her and learn from ur mistakes. Cause if u continue being so paranoid, you'll end up hurting her AGAIN and maybe that time it'll all be over . maybe she has reasons why she doesnt show her feelings always. Maybe her heart been broken by a man she truly loves before and afraid of getting hurt twice . Be a man and try to win heart back. Do things right this time.

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