Back to old ways.
Today, I read p*** online, and I almost masturbated again. I've had a rough week, (my birthday was a bomb, and not the good kind) My crush(es) have been ignoring me, I guess. I missed the biggest opportunity to talk to him. :( I got super shy, and basically clammed up. I started feeling a little apprehensive about going to school (I love school) and I just felt crummy all this week. The crazy thing is, all of this stuff isn't so bad. I have all of the symptoms of depression, but I don't wanna claim it. If I do, it becomes to real ya know? I've made myself numb. I've blocked off all type of emotions, and the only ones that I can feel is sadness and guilt. I'm ready for a change of heart though. I've prayed to God, and I know that he forgives me. Sometimes I forget that I have to stop relying on my emotions, because they deceive me. I'm gonna get it right though. The beginning of the day was rough, but I'm gonna get it right. God is with me, and will always be. No matter what He loves me, and I won't take advantage of that gift anymore. I appreciate it. <3Oct 8, 2011