Well, I'll take that as a no. I came here to say that in school, I made fun of God, or rather the idea of a "Christian" party. I feel so bad, because at the time I didn't realize that I was patronizing my own faith. So, I got home on Friday, and I just started thinking about all the ways that I've changed since high school. Mostly good changes, but there are some bad too. I've become "numb" and I remember when I became numb. Around Thanksgiving, 8th grade, and definitely Christmas. My family was arguing and I just wanted to numb the pain. I'm now in 10th grade and there is no change, though I've prayed about it and have gotten better. I've lost all types of passion, and now refer to myself as the living dead. :( It's hard, especially because I am carrying the burden of my old sins around as well. I'm also starting to care so much what people think of me. I don't want to be like that. I want to be like Christ, and I want to get closer to God. Recently though, I've been sinning even more. Or rather, I was always sinning this much, and God is just making me aware. I don't know which one, but I'm hoping for the latter. I love God, but my problem is I'm striving to be the perfect Christian and I know that doesn't exist. I'm not willing to give up my faith for a group of friends. I'll be alone if I have to. I've also been addicted to p********** and masturbation for as long as I can remember. I've recently stopped, but I keep slipping. Everytime I slip, it's like my world comes crashing down! Ugh, I need a Christian buddy that I can talk to! I need advice.