6 weeks since i've seen you
And it's gotten worse. we were supposed to get married; i had my life planned with you in it. the hole you left in my heart has become infected. it's not healing, the pain is worse than ever. i'm becoming bitter towards men, I'm starting to not believe in love anymore. Little sweet romantic me with the ever-resilient heart. Stupid s*** bothers me - even P*** makes me cry for christ's sake... i can't go to the strip club without getting depressed. i wouldn't even want to be there if you would just love me like you used to. i dont even want anyone else; i just compare them all to you. and the fact that you still email me, you still tell me how much you miss me (not just the s**, you miss your PARTNER, you were evil enough to say). apparently you don't miss me enough to fight for me. to fight for US. After everything I'd stubbornly seen you through, we were so close to the end of our struggles.
but you quit.
i dreamed last night that i found someone new, a farmer in the country. he was sweet and had sky blue eyes. i was pregnant and we were going to be married. i told him i knew he was a dream and he held me and cried and then i woke up.
i hope i never dream again.