Sick of myself.
Last year at the beginning of my last year of highschool, I set goals to study hard and gain all my credits.
I procrastinated a lot and was too lazy to try hard enough.
I ended up failing.
But I didn't want to disappoint my parents so I printed a fake letter and report saying that I did well in the exams. They believed me and still do now.
This year i just finished a foundation course at university... They think that I'm on my Bachelors.
This is killing me inside. They trust me and I just lied to them like that.
I can't even tell them the truth because I don't want to see the anger and disappointment on their faces.
It's the worst when Mum references my reports from highschool. She asks how my assignments are going, and if I answer, "Kinda difficult." she replies saying that it'll be okay, I'll do good, my final highschool scores from last year show that.
She believes in me.
My marks in highschool were never bad. Some of my works for art class were used for exemplars, I got A's for English, passed physics.
If I try, then I can get good marks. I just don't know why I lost my drive last year. I think I was afraid to try incase I failed something. Because once I worked really h****** a brief and expected a good mark and ended up getting C-
Right now what I want to do is work hard next year for the next three years in my course (graphic design) and graduate as soon as I can so I can start earning money and start paying them back for everything they have done for me.
They sacrificed so much to raise me and all they're getting at the moment is some lazy incompetent kid.
I want to do my best every day.
I want to make them proud.