I feel weird confessing this even though I admitted it to two of our friends last night and couldn't fully explain it to them because I didn't know how. My boyfriend's asthma turns me on. I don't know why, it's been like that since I first met him. I call it a fetish, but it doesn't apply to anyone but him.
I don't know what I like about it or why, it's not like I have an asphyxiation fetish - I don't want him to actually suffocate, but something about the concept of struggling to breathe and wheezing fascinates me. But the more I ask him to wheeze for me or delay using his inhaler, the more I realize this could all cause complications with his health in the future. He even stopped using his other inhaler which usually prevents his asthma from flaring up.
He fully agrees to it all, and insists that he would never push himself beyond his limit...but one afternoon he did push his limit to the point that it scared me. He explains his asthma to me in stages, 1 through 5, 5 being literally suffocating, and one day he decided to push it to what he claimed was 4.8 then refused to take his inhaler because he "wanted to make me happy" until I practically forced it on him.
He hasn't done that since, but recently with the weather changing because of how often he's been pushing himself, he's been having more difficulty with his lungs or having to use his inhaler more frequently. In fact, because he also has allergies and they've been acting up as well, he went though a whole inhaler last night and it didn't make any difference, he still couldn't breathe properly; told me today he 'hasn't taken a full breath in twenty-four hours'.
I tell him to use his other inhaler because it would stop all this, but he "wants to make me happy". Am I a bad person for starting all this to begin with? Or does it seem okay because he's in agreement with it?