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My family are toxic
I hate my mom. Well not really, but she really gets on my nerves. Most people think I am a ** for disliking her a not trying to have a close relationship, but she has truly destroyed me from the inside out over the years. Always told me I wasn't good enough, always shot down any dream or aspiration I had. She also stayed married to my verbally abusive dad who I had the "pleasure" of living with for 25 years.
She isn't the only one, her mother...my grandmother who I used to think was decent...is just as horrible. They are both perfectionists and control freaks. With Bi-polar mood swings and passive aggressive episodes.
My Mom also hates my husband, and urges me to get a divorce and find a rich guy to marry despite my husband being the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love with all my heart.
My dad makes a lot of money and lives in a gated community, but if my mom could have re-married a guy like her secret boyfriend, I wouldn't have cared growing up in a regular neighborhood.
She ball breaks me into going to visit her. I am dreading and postponing going today even for a few hours. I just saw her today on Thanksgiving when I opened my mouth and told her I had some time off of work to rest.
Rest is a foreign word to her, sleep is for the weak her motto is. But whenever she is tired, she stops everything in their tracks.
Sometimes I just want to tell her to back the ** off. If I didn't speak to her for a single day for a few years, I wouldn't miss her.
Once or maybe TWICE a month is all I can handle of her. She knows to be on good behavior with me otherwise I just tune her out or leave.
The day she dies, I will be sad...but relieved I no longer have to argue with her or dislike her so strongly. I wish I had a different mom.
Sounds similar to mine, I never went back to her after I left for college...ever. I felt guilty but I felt better about myself and my life without her.