Trapped In A Twelve Year Olds Body And Hormones

I'm a 12 year old girl. I look 17 or 18. I fall in love with guys waaayyy older then me. Sometimes even double my age. I old like 3 guys my age but alot of girls my age. Today I kissed a friend of mine, who is a girl, randomly at school today. When ever I date someone 2 years old younger than me I feel guilty like I know it wouldn't work out ever. Everyday I feel like I should have been born in 1993-1994. I live in a 12 year olds world. But I'm not one I'm way more meture. My soul feels like I'm trapped, which is my biggest fear being trapped. Somedays I just want to end it all and kill myself. The only time I feel normal is when I'm not with kids 2 or below years than me. I love and older man... we say that we love the other face to face. But I think I want it to mean more than he does. I have B36 size b****, curves, emo/scene hair really pretty poofy, I have pink long nails, eye makeup and face makeup. I don't feel at all like a 12 year old girl. I feel like a 17 year old, and when my lover moves on next year... I don't think I could find someone else like him. But I'm such a little slutty w**** I'll probably get someone that hurts me emotionally and physically agian. I hate this much I cut and cut and I used to barf. My self harming is getting worse. But sometimes I can't physically even get a little blood. I want to die.

Dec 5, 2011

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  • Ignore your premature development and concentrate in school.

  • you want someone 2 pay attention 2 u.god i feel 4 u.i have 4 brothers and 4 sisters 29 nephews and nieces and i cut off contact with them 15 years ago.

  • I do understand feeling like you are older than you actually are. But I'm going to tell you, I don't think your problem is what you think it is. What you need to do, is simply to slow down. Pause. And consider yourself. You're confused, and it's okay. Truly, it's okay if you're confused. If you take comfort in the chaos of the things you described above, you truly do need to slow down.
    I don't even know you, but you seem like you have a lot of depth of character. When I was even younger than you, I used to inflict pain on myself, but that was mostly when I was angry. It was a way for me to release the feelings I had without doing things I knew would get me in trouble.
    The reason I say I think you're confused, is because you don't seem to understand WHY you do those things. A big part of maturity and wisdom, is knowing why.
    You do seem trapped. I'm here to tell you that you are what you choose to be. Don't let whatever is trapping you, trap you.
    If it is your father, or your family situation, let yourself react emotionally. Stop, and think about everything you don't want to think about. And instead of inflicting pain on yourself, let your emotions run through you. and grieve as you need to. Once you do, you will feel so much better.

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