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Pending failure

As I read the categories here, I realize that I may have a confession in every category. Throughout my life, I can claim little success. My Modus Operandi is to wait until disaster is about to alight until I take any action. It is only recently and, after the passing of my 4 month old granddaughter that I have done anything of value in my children's lives. Many have said that you cannot change the past and look only to tomorrow. That is factually true. However, I have built a mansion composed of regrets and mistakes 51 years deep. I cannot find a way to escape them. Some of the regrets are very recent. Though the frequency of adding to that legacy has decreased, I nearly weekly add some addition to this monument. It is my anchor accelerating to the ocean floor.

I confess that I have and continue to make myriad mistakes in thought, word and feeling. They affect real people, typically people I love. I am a living example for my children, my wife, virtually all those who know the "real" me of the road to intentionally take less, in fact, take not at all.

I wish to change this. I fear I never will. In my soul, which I bear here, I hope to accomplish this one single thing before I reach my terminus.

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