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I constantly miss my friend
I'm happily married with one 1 kid and 1 on the way. Mid 2007 a girl at my workplace started to work with me and I developed a very strong friendship with her. She is 8 years younger than I am (I'm 32 now, she's 24).
We had a fight and she stopped speaking to me in mid 2008. I apologized to her and asked if we could be friends again, she didn't reply. She doesn't speak to me anymore and I haven't contacted her since mid 2009. I see her at work sometimes, we no longer work in the same area though.
Tomorrow is my last day at work and I don't think I will ever see her again. I have thought about her every day since I met her. She is the last person I think of before I go to sleep and the first person I think of when I wake up. Words just cannot describe how much I miss her. The only reason I do not contact her is because I know she would rather I did not contact her. She does not like me and I think the world of her. It's a horrible situation.
You need to let it go. You're building her up in your mind greater then she is. She doesn't want to be friends with you. What you thought was an act of kindness, she took it as excessive and overbearing, and possibly creepy. It doesn't matter who started the rumor. The message you're not accepting is that she doesn't want to know you. You can go over it in your mind over and over again, and it will make you crazy. Maybe it's not what you wrote in your emails, maybe it's the number of emails..maybe she thought it was strange. Who knows. Even if somehow she decides to accept your friend request (which she won't), do you really think you two are going to be bffs? She has her life, you have your life. They're not going to merge. Just accept it. Friendships don't always last, especially those you meet through work. Not everyone is going to like you or appreciate what you do for them. It doesn't matter..You're going to destroy your marriage and the relationships you have around you with your ocd about this girl. STOP looking at facebook, retract your friend request. Let this go.
You are right to an extent. If only we could undo the past with this useless thing they call hind sight. I'm not suggesting we can be friends, I'm not so naive that I believe that to be a possibility. My problem seems to be that I am having great difficulties letting her go from my memory and moving on. She seems to be in my head a lot. I don't discuss it with anyone - but I find myself losing interest in other friends and my patience for people has become very thin.
This event has changed me and I don't think it's for the better. I just don't have the energy to invest into anyone else at the moment. They say time heals all wounds and perhaps in a few years I will wonder why I ever felt this way. This time last year I was hoping that I would have forgotten about her and moved on already. I would give anything to have her out of my memory and thoughts.
I wish I had your ability to just let people go like that. I have tried by not contacting her - by trying not to think of her, by avoiding places I know she will be at. I am trying every day, it just feels like I'm not further ahead than I was 2 years ago.
I realize it's easier said then done to move on. Trust me, I've had friends and loves that I thought would be in my life for always, and are now gone. And sometimes it was simply because we grew apart. I guess it's my feeling that if someone doesn't want to be friends with me, it's their loss. I'll miss them, but you can't force them. So you accept and fill your life with people that want to be in your life. The Facebook thing is a horrible place for friendships. One day your friends and the next they've defriended you. It's dumb.
You need to make a concerted effort to move on. Are you being totally honest that nothing else romantically happened with this girl?
You can't go back in time, you have to move forward. Perhaps she represents something else entirely that's missing in your life. But to sacrifice your other relationships for a friend (who really wasn't one) sounds extreme. You need closure. You also need to be open and ready for closure. YOu have to just say..okay, I'm ready. It's done, I'm tired of expending all this energy on someone who wants nothing to do with me. Say good bye to her (not in person..of course) and move on. Creating new friendships, and concentrating making your current ones better - That's where all your energies should go.
^^
You are a remarkably perceptive person. I'm not just saying that because you have helped me here but because I have brought this up with a lot of people and you hit the nail on the head in a very short space of time.
Nothing romantic happened with this person and I never thought it would either, I just never liked her in that way. You've probably had a bit of a celebrity crush on someone in your life, maybe when you were younger? Maybe admired a pop singer, model or actor? You might think it sounds creepy but I genuinely admire her. To think that she finds me repulsive and doesn't like me is very painful and demoralizing. Imagine your celebrity crush looking at you with disgust and taking out a restraining order on you - all you want to do is support them and they hate you for it.
I get what you are saying by creating new friendships - I just don't find anyone that interesting - it's as though I compare them to her and no one stacks up. There are probably lots and lots of great people out there and I have a few close friends but they just don't fill the void I feel from the loss of my friend.
Anyway, it's unlikely that I will see her again so maybe that will make a difference.
For the person above that has replied to me, thank you for your replies. They are well thought out and I do appreciate them. :)