I feel like I will never find better

So there was this guy I met when I was 13 right before school started. We called every night and would talk until 4 in the morning laughing and playing but he didn't know my age (he was 16). I was getting ready to be a freshman and he was about to be a junior in high school. Then one night when I told him my real age he thought I wouldn't talk anymore and asked me out. Me and my best friend Amanda met up with my guy (lets call him bob) and her guy and had a double date. It was great! I felt like bob was my true love. Finally when school started back, we kept our relationship quiet until the next month. The weekend after school started back we went for a walk down my neighborhood and he kissed me! He kissed me and then it started to sprinkle rain just how I wished my first kissed had been. Then later that night we made out behind my fence and I laid on top of him and kissed him and he fingered me. Then we went open with our relationship and everyone was shocked! We ate lunch together every time we could and spend the 45 min mornings before school together making out or holding each other. He even took me to his boxing gym and let me work out! There was this girl though that he was friends with and i was very jealous of so I made up that she would trip me and stuff and say bad things. (the bad things was true). Right before his birthday we had s**. (we were going out for about 3 months and I turned 14 and already said I love you). We would do it all the time!(let me just add he never gave me a o***** and I faked it the whole time we were together, but he does have a big one). We would do sexual things in the gym when one of the doors was closed and right before school. Then one night we had a big fight and his step dad (drug addict, alcoholic, ass hole, abusing guy) tried to get in our business so I lied and said "we are fine.". Then apparently his very crazed mother (seriously she is phyco), got all p***** off and started making him get into big fights with me (I didn't know this). I wasn't allowed at the gym anymore but she finally forgave me and let me hang out with him. Christmas came and since they are kinda poor I got his sister his brother and him all Christmas gifts and I think his mom got really p***** about that. Yes we still were having s**. He even snuck over to my house and we had s** in my bed! It was so great. We hung out as much as possible and everything was fine. We had fights and it was bad but we got over it. He Then one day I forgot my house key so Bob said let's just go to my grandmas so I say okay. So we do and we do a*** in his grandmothers bathroom. Then I later find out that that one bitchy girl I didn't like had a past with him. She gave him blow-jobs and layed in his bed and cuddled and they didn't even date! He had sworn and promised many times nothing had happened between them. I was heartbroken and he got down on his knees and begged for forgiveness and all I did was cry. I couldn't believe it. (he also lied about this one girl he talked to. He said he never had feelings for her and he did once). I eventually said okay i forgive you but I never could let it go... I still can't.. Then later his mom got very angry that I went over there and banned him from seeing me. So we had the whole summer to not see each other. So I would go visit him at work and stuff and my parents would help him come over to my house. Then when 1 year came around we hung out at my house and made love again. Then right before christmas 2011 we broke up.... it was the worst day ever. We didn't talk much just a little. I went to my friend's house and we ended up sneaking out of her house to meet up with him and her boyfriend. Well Bob's mom caught us and called my mom. Anyways needless to say I'm not allowed to date him anymore. (now i'm 15 and he's 18). I contacted him just a few days ago and said that I can't stop thinking about him and how it kills me and he said yeah I can't either and ever since then we've been talking and i'm growing to like him again and he wants me back. I just don't know if I should or not. I really miss him and it's like I can't imagine life without him.... I love him I truly do but should I get back with him? Sorry for the really long confession but it was a lot to get off of my chest and there's still bits and pieces missing.. Please help.

Jan 23, 2012

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  • I know hard a situation like this can be. I was the guy in this story once in my own life, and I can tell you that it's difficult to make a relationship work once he's out of high school and you're still in, especially if he's going to college. Plus, you're still young and have a lot of growing and exploring to do. I know it feels like he's the love of your life, and maybe he is. But my advice would be to move on and see other people, or just focus on yourself for a while and building a life and future for yourself that you can be proud of. If it's "meant to be", the two of you will be together again. Then again, you might meet someone new and find a love like you've never experienced. Whatever you do, always, ALWAYS, make sure it's in your own rational self-interest. Don't do things to make others happy, even if it's someone you love as much as you seem to love this guy. Nobody is worth throwing away future experiences and accomplishments for.

    Now, a bit of s** advice. Whoever you choose to be with, make sure you're safe. That's the most important thing. That said, also talk to them about your needs. You mentioned that your boyfriend wasn't bringing you to o*****. That's selfish. If you get together with him again or with someone else, communicate your needs and make sure that you're satisfied, too. Don't just be a source for s** for some guy. It's a give and take.

    Best of luck, sweet heart.

  • OMG sweetie you are still a baby and you should even be having s**!

    I know you think very much about Bob but take it from me. His mother might be a psycho but she went off to him about dating you because you are underage and you know what you can get him into trouble because he is having s** with a minor.

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