That im only 19 and I already feel like im in a dead end rut in life stalling out while everyone else is racing by. I have dropped out of college, quit my job, and dumped my girlfriend (who i now realize was perfect for me). All because I was lulled into a false sense of a better life by moving away from my town to go live with my Dad. It took me three months to realize what I had done so I moved back with my Mom and Brother blaming it all on my Dad because I felt like he did this to me but deep down I feel guilty and a severe sense of self loathing for shooting my foot off; why? Because I did this to myself all of it. Guilty for leaving my mom and brother and hurting them even more on top of the fact that my dad left us and therefore we lost our childhood house. But honestly what tears me apart the most is how I single handedly destroyed the best thing thats ever happened to me its like theres someone else inside of me that always managed to say/do the wrong thing to her when in my heart I've never loved anyone or anything else more. And I've hurt her so bad that she won't talk to me anymore and she is off with her new boyfriend love and I can't look away. Every time I see her I can't let go of the thoughts and feelings I can't move on I love her so much and I would do anything if i could just have her back in my arms again to hold, kiss, and love. But I can't and shes gone and now I have no one no friends (I've managed to destroy all those relationships too), a shattered family, no love. I feel cold and alone. All I want is a genuine friend someone who loves me for who I am. And maybe a sign.

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  • The good thing is, you know you caused it. You may not be able to undo the past, but once you realize that its you that chose that, you can know that its up to you to choose to make your life better again.

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