i grew up with two devout Christian

i grew up with two devout Christian grandmothers that took me to church often. it didn't seem to make much difference to me, because when my parents separated when i was 15, i became a wild child. i had a good body, and i used it to gain the attention of men. i slept with lots of guys (for the attention, but also because i like s**) i got pregnant 4 times and had 4 abortions--which i regret with every ounce of my being. long story short--i was bad. when my son was born (out of wedlock) i felt the need to become a better person. i started going to church again, and became a born-again Christian. I back-slided and got pregnant by another man. For a long time, I still went to church, and my relationship with God was pretty good. But i couldn't help but feel that i was inferior to everyone around me. i just didn't seem to fit in with all these "righteous" people. i was a fake. but i did clean up my act, went back to school, and have made a decent home for my kids. i know deep down that i am not perfect, i am stricken my bad moods and depression a lot of the time, and i am sometimes emotionally detached from my kids and others. my confession is that ever since i took a philosophy course in college, i have begun to have doubts as to God's existence. I have always believed in God--and never faltered in that belief until now. I can't understand how, with so many religions out there, there can be only one truth. Intelligent Design makes sense when i see the beauty of a sunset or marvel at the miraculous growth & development of a human being. And i'm afraid that if i don't believe, i will go to H***. my mom died in 2002 and that was when i was closest with God. i believed with all my heart that He was real and came to take my mom away to Heaven with Him. So if I don't believe in God, then there's no Heaven and my mom is nowhere, and i have no chance of seeing her again someday.

9 Comments

  • newest
  • oldest
  • most replies
  • most popular
  • /me sighs. Christfags do me unpleasantness. One should never believe in god. Never. It is unacceptable. I can respect some who do. But most of them have a head injury coming. Seriously. Get some self-respect. Clean your life up. There isn't a heaven, your mother isn't preserved anywhere but in her children. Do her memory well, clean your self up. God won't do that for you. And you don't need god to ' ' give your life meaning" either. I'm godless and I'm happy as a clam. My advice: Clean up your life, and take up masturbation. It does the soul wonders.

  • lol there's no god

  • /me sighs.

    Christfags do me unpleasantness.

    One should never believe in god. Never.

    It is unacceptable. I can respect some who do. But most of them have a head injury coming.

    Seriously. Get some self-respect.

    Clean your life up. There isn't a heaven, your mother isn't preserved anywhere but in her children. Do her memory well, clean your self up. God won't do that for you.

    And you don't need god to 'give your life meaning'' either. I'm godless and I'm happy as a clam.

    My advice:

    Clean up your life, and take up masturbation.

    It does the soul wonders.

  • It sounds like you've had a rollercoaster kind of life. Now, more than ever, you need God. God is real. Where did the universe come from? Why do we even feel bad or feel guilt? It's because there's a God who teaches us in our soul what's right and wrong. Get back into a church that you feel comfortable in, and get into a small group that can keep you accountable and strong. All the best!

  • The best thing to do is to respect other peoples beliefs. I grew up in a strict church and I always thought the God thing and church was bullshit, even when I was a kid. I was very inquisitive, and now that I am an adult, when people tell me the earth is 6000 years old or dinosaurs were on the Ark, or the bible was meant to be taken literally, I just smile and agree.

    But in the back of my head I am really laughing uncontrollably at how stupid they really are and how science means more than their s***** rice paper book! I hate religion. It is all bullshit. Sorry if this is too direct.

  • That was just tooo damn long to read!

  • thanks for the comments. i want to just say that when I first came to know God, it was out of feelings of penitence and not just fear of going to H***, although that is a real fear of mine too. i know i'm not the only one who has had doubts, and it helps to know that. for the 2nd commenter: i appreciate how you helped me realize that I am, after all, a living testimony to the existence of God.

  • I agree with the first person. You are going to doubt (not that God exist) sometimes what you were taught but don't let it stop you from believing. It's worked for you this far. Your story alone is a testimony to the fact that God exist.

    And as for H***. Any reason to not go to H*** is a good one. And your fear is not unfounded. If we don't fear God and obey his commandments we will end up in H***. H*** is very real and people tend to overlook it or believe that God wont send them to h***. But he will if we don't live the best we know how (not perfect).

    SiteShrink

  • First off, there's nothing wrong with doubt, in fact it can lead you to a deeper understanding of your faith. I'm am a Christian as well, and I went through a period where I questioned everything I had been taught - not the existence of God, but if everything else I grew up believing was actually true. In short, I had to know it and believe it for myself, not because my family or my church wanted me to. It was a very lonely, but eye-opening experience, and I am very thankful for it. I'm not perfect (no one is) but I have a solid, intellectual as well as spiritual foundation for my beliefs that I might not have had otherwise.

    Second, don't believe out of fear of going to H***. That is definitely something to avoid, but God doesn't want people to come to Him out of fear, but out of love. Look at the world He's created, at the universe, at our very own bodies, and you can't help but feel a sense of awe at the complexity and elegance - who would not want to know the Mind that made all of this for us, that made US?

    Of course, you'll get as many answers as people you ask, but that is mine, from a Christian point of view.

Account Login
Signup
Is this post inapropriate?
Is this comment inapropriate?
Delete this post?