i grew up with two devout Christian
i grew up with two devout Christian grandmothers that took me to church often. it didn't seem to make much difference to me, because when my parents separated when i was 15, i became a wild child. i had a good body, and i used it to gain the attention of men. i slept with lots of guys (for the attention, but also because i like s**) i got pregnant 4 times and had 4 abortions--which i regret with every ounce of my being. long story short--i was bad. when my son was born (out of wedlock) i felt the need to become a better person. i started going to church again, and became a born-again Christian. I back-slided and got pregnant by another man. For a long time, I still went to church, and my relationship with God was pretty good. But i couldn't help but feel that i was inferior to everyone around me. i just didn't seem to fit in with all these "righteous" people. i was a fake. but i did clean up my act, went back to school, and have made a decent home for my kids. i know deep down that i am not perfect, i am stricken my bad moods and depression a lot of the time, and i am sometimes emotionally detached from my kids and others. my confession is that ever since i took a philosophy course in college, i have begun to have doubts as to God's existence. I have always believed in God--and never faltered in that belief until now. I can't understand how, with so many religions out there, there can be only one truth. Intelligent Design makes sense when i see the beauty of a sunset or marvel at the miraculous growth & development of a human being. And i'm afraid that if i don't believe, i will go to H***. my mom died in 2002 and that was when i was closest with God. i believed with all my heart that He was real and came to take my mom away to Heaven with Him. So if I don't believe in God, then there's no Heaven and my mom is nowhere, and i have no chance of seeing her again someday.