My parents want me to get married to my best friend. Some days I think they love him more than they love me. They certainly are very proud of him, and to them, he's like a son. I've been in a relationship with him before, but no longer hold that interest. Actually, I'm in love with an eighteen year old guy who I've known for three years now, and have loved for that entire time. He met my parents last year, after his 17th birthday, and my father so strongly disapproved of him and his age, just because he's shy and not as open to my family. I never told my parents that he and I were having sexual relations but they caught on pretty quickly. I'm not allowed to date him, but my parents said it's fine now, after he refused to talk to me.
It's been almost a year since we last spoke, but I still loved him the entire time. Two weeks ago, we started talking again, and now it's like we never stopped. I told him all the things that had happened over the past couple of months and now, we spend most nights video chatting and calling each other right up until 5am. I told him I don't love him anymore, so that he would talk to me again. That was a lie. Two nights ago, he asked me to 'send him' some photos. We had been flirting for two days straight by now, and I didn't think there was any harm to it. I don't trust anyone but him. He found out I don't have a gag reflex, and so now I have his interest more than ever before. I know I'm being used, but I love him, and so it's hard to turn away from him and face facts that this is a little creepy. He told me he loved the photos, and he has so far, kept them secret and to himself. No, I will not send them to anyone else. And I know for a fact that none of his friends know about our past, he is just THAT good at keeping our secrets, so I trust him with this. But I love him, and I know the feeling isn't mutual. He hasn't spoken to me since I sent them to him, and now I'm a little panicky. I told my best friend and she didn't reply. She knows everything between us, so I don't know why she'd act this way, she knows what he and I have done before. We planned to meet up and 'see the real thing' but our plans were abruptly cancelled when my mother found out it was HIM I was going out to see, she didn't directly say no. She just said she couldn't get me there anymore.
I just don't know what to do.