My Insible Feelings

My boyfriend is extremly direct and honest to the point that it hurts. He wants to be very open and work through any issues. However, I am fearful of hurting him, so I keep a lot to myself. I was madly, deeply, go through h*** and back, walk across burning coals in love with him. Slowly, it has faded away. I always wanted to be loved and appreciated for me not my body. Yea, I have that BUT we have no physical chemistry because his gap in attraction for me is so large. I hate s** because it's so much work. He wants a hot latina with a big butt and I'm a petite blonde, blue eyed, skinny, health conscious chick. I am super nice and sweet, but not his bedroom fantasy. I think everyday of how we won't make it. I don't look fwd to seeing him, talking to him, or any contact with him. I feel defeated knowing I cannot be what he really wants. I feel happier alone without trying constantly to please him. It's too much work and I have no skills to build a life with him. Frankly, I don't ever dream of a future with him. I encourage him to find someone else and date other women because I can't fix this. I want to walk away and I would have no regrets. I think I stay because I don't want to hurt him and leave him all alone with his girls. I secretly wish he could just take his exwife back, but she is an idoit. She cheated on him while they were married and continues to make poor choices.

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