Awkward first time
I'm a male and we never forget our first time and its supposed to be special. Well my first time was ruined when my girlfriend were exchanging our virginity.. She climbs on top and it was an amazing feeling watching it disappear inside of her while enjoying what felt like a firm grasp. She rocks a few times then gets this odd look in her eyes and starts shaking and then starts crying on me. Then it all comes out how her father raped her anally when she was little. still inside her we go through the whole discussion. I feel bad for her and console her talking her telling her it'll be ok as tears still form in her eyes down still but every now and then I feel I'm on fire I cant help but sneak in a very slow thrust into her. Keep in mind I'm up thrusting.
Eventually she looks me in the eye sees my conflict and apologizes that she should have said this all sooner. She roles over with me still inside her, and in a tells me "I'm so sorry about all this" after a long pause she give me permission to proceed "you can keep going, I'll be ok". I've never felt so guilty about it but I want it so bad that I thrust into her. She tries to smile and look happy but she can't seem to make eye contact after a few seconds of me doing what every teenage male longs to do for the first time, that is firmly thrusting into her body the tears are back she turns her head to the side as if ashamed of her emotions and tries to hide her tears.
I remember all of this. I remember I couldn't stop, I remember her shaking under me, not saying a word just tears as her head kept looking to the wall on the right. I remember the guilty, but warm ecstasy of finally being inside a a girl, I remember the intimacy and closeness I felt for her. I remember right before I came I out of reflex gripped her body tight which startled her and she raised her hands up as if to block me from striking her, which I wasn't. After I came inside her we kinda paused and stared at each others eyes, she was calming down, and looked relaxed. She asked me if I enjoyed my self I said yes and that I love her, she says she was glad and wanted to be happy.
After a few love making sessions like this she told me one night over dinner that if she starts becoming afraid during s** for me not to back off and that I should take her down aggressively and just star having s** on her. She wanted to be pushed down on the floor and stuff and have her clothes pulled off quickly even if she appeared startled. For some reason this kind of s** was therapeutic for her, like is was some kind of challenge she was determined to beat.
I don't know in hindsight now that we are broken up maybe her mother(Since her dad was in prison at this time) should have sent her to a shrink.