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How Broken I am
I lie. I lie like a snake in the grass and I manipulate. I hate myself for it, but it comes so easily. I push everyone away. My parents think that I'm living with room mates when I'm living with a boy I don't love, with his parents. I like him well enough, but it isn't love. I make myself look and act together when I see no point in living. I have to set arbitrary dates to live till, just as motivation. I lie through my teeth. I don't trust myself enough to trust anyone else. I don't love myself enough to love anyone else. I'm alone and I don't feel like I have hope to be happy, so I get angry at myself. I have this rage and I keep it bottled up tight because it scares me. I smile and nod and fight myself every day. I wake up feeling desolate, because I have to endure thousands of breaths, thousands of heartbeats each day. I'm intelligent but I'm pathetic. I have no job. I confess that I do not know what to do, I have no future, and I do not know if I /want/ one. I confess that I have no hope. I confess that I'm too ** cowardly to kill myself. That's all I want to say.
You started saying the truth here, now make it habitual, even if someone else might not believe you, remember, you've once lied and became insecure, now it's the time to do the opposite, it's not for them, it's for you and you'll remember how good the truth feels
U know what, I thick you should just run away. I know it isn't gonna make you feel any better when I say this, but when I go to sleep every night, I wish I wouldn't wake up tomorrow. Just so you know you are not alone. I wish I'd run away, just walk and walk, till I reach a place I were alone, just me and nature, nothing else. But Im too chicken.
Ask Jesus Christ of Nazareth to come into your life and guide you. He loves you and wants to help you, but you have to ask.
Please don't put this off. He will give you the grace to repent (change the way you're living) and start over. Don't delay. D.M.
people lie out of fear and people fear because they care too much about themselves you may think i'm dumb for saying this but i trust you even if you don't trust yourself so please let me help you i feel apathetic sorrow because you don't love yourself so please help me to understand you... that is all i have for tonight