You must hit the very bottom before you come up.
I go to a boarding school which doesn't allow you to have any sort of open flame, and yet I a carry a lighter and incense in my purse. A couple times a week I go off campus to a secluded spot and light the incense, using it to burn myself. I have a scar that says FAT and am working on one that says, "I don't love you," which I was inspired to do after watching Good Will Hunting.
I also almost got pot from someone recently, but apparently he couldn't get it because of cops.
I've been really depressed to the point where it's been negatively affecting my grades. I think about suicide constantly and yesterday I came very close to ODing on menstrual pain relievers, only to read many stories where an acetaminophen overdose doesn't work and the person just ends up with a lot of other medical problems. I really want to die but I'm too much of a coward in that I can't allow the chance of living.
I made an appointment with a counselor as per my academic adviser's suggestion. I'm thinking I should just tell her everything so that I can get real help as soon as possible. However, I think my problems fit the criteria for landing myself in a psychiatric hospital, and with only a month left of school, I probably wouldn't be returning for the rest of the year. I don't know how that would affect things in terms of grades and whether I actually get credit for having taken the classes, but I feel that getting help for myself would be best in the long run. And yet there is a large part of me that doesn't want anything in my life to wrong to the point where people realize it. Like, I don't want academic career to be interrupted, which is why I thought I was going to wait until the summer to get help. But at this point I don't think I'll do well in the state that im in. Do you think it would be best to get help as soon as possible?