No place for a girl like me

Since five,I've done things to myself. Things that don't make me feel good afterwards. It did then because I didn't really know what I was doing. I just knew it felt good.
Elementary school was awesome. I had friends that loved me and cared.
Middle school I had friends and we hung out occasionally, but my mom mostly said no because, I am a rebellious child. And its true. I am
High school all my friends drifted from me. Flying out of their cocoons and fluttering around easily. For me, well one of my wings was smaller than the other.
I quit volleyball, didn't go out for track like people expected. I quit life. I'm getting fatter and fatter everyday. I sit at home on the computer thinking of ways to make people like me. To want to care about me. At first I think the advice is helping. Then I hit an all time low.
I'm not attracted to black guys and I myself am an African American(and I hate it). But they don't like me back because, sterotypical black women I guess. I fit the fat sterotype. I like to listen to sigur ros, 30 seconds to mars, paper kites, m83, iron and wine. I am just that kind of girl. And I love writing.
I don't have any motivation to get to know people. I just assume that if they want to know me that they'll make the first move....right?
I feel so childish sometimes. I never say the right things. When people ask me how their hair looks I'll just say fine because honestly I wouldn't know. On top of that I hate giving negative critisim.
My family thinks I'm weird, annoying, immature. When I try to show them music, they look at me c*** eyed and say I listen to the weirdest stuff. I feel no support or love from any of them. I showed my mom a hairstyle I wanted today and she told me "I see it, now go away" I just hate being here. Earth, it's just no place for a girl like me.

Death is a punishment to some, to others a gift and to many a favour.

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  • I'm an Asian, and I also dislike being it because of all those sterotypes going around in my head. I just accept the fact that I am Asian but it doesn't define who or what I'm like. I prove to others that I am a good person. I believe that everyone is a good person or at least has some sense of good in them. My advice to you would be to get a counselor, closest friend, or family member talk to you and help you. And as for the things like your music and style, there's always people out there that like things that you do. Although i haven't heard of the things you listed, there's many people out there that do. You just need to find and meet them. I hope all goes well:)

  • if i may friend your family does the same thing to you about your music as mine does about my videos... i'm sorry to hear about you not liking your own race... yeah i haven't got anything else to say

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