I'm a terrible person
I've done some really terrible things in my life. I'm not talking about average level douchebag stuff, I'm talking serious remorseless harm to people sort of thing. I didn't feel guilty about it until recently and then someone who really cared about me died and I got to thinking and realized what a horrible human being I am and now I don't know what to do.
I wish I could believe in a god, so I could try to repent and be absolved, but I just don't.