Resentment of a step son

Ok...here is the truth..This is what it boils down to. I married the one person that I have always wanted. He has a son who is 4. His mother was caught cheating and videoing it while doing it. My husband was warned and ended it getting this girl pregnant. No matter how you slice it..the son was a mistake. Thankfully they never married. She deployed and he came to live with us full time. I love him, but find resentment in him because he is a reminder (although not his fault) that the entire relationship was based on lies and cheating..in my eyes that is what he represents. Now that she is home...he does no wrong. So now because of the favoritism towards him...it has caused strain on our marriage. He is the result and son of a dirty, nasty, w****. I do the best I can...but thats what I see when I look at him. But I do great at pretending...Will it last probably not. Boils down to the woman feeling less important.. No matter what you anyone says....When you take a vow of marriage....no one is before your wife, you become one. There is not a bond on the face of this earth that you put before your spouse. Your child is a part of the relationship,,,but should never ever ever be put before a Godly vow.

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  • OK, everyone calm down...I have read all the comments.
    I seems to me that the child's mother deployed with her military unit because she asked to be deployed. Life is not fair to the young child; but, I see one reason why this man's real wife should be humiliated by so many of you into raising this child. I agree with the one offensive poster that the mother's military unit should be contacted and that she must return to take care of her child. I assume that the court gave the mother primary custody of the child. No wife should be forced into caring for her husband's illegitimate children.

  • I revoke my previous statement. I still hate you straight people. How come you have parental rights again?

  • I think your anger is not towards the child, but towards his mother.

    At least your husband did the right and correct thing, which is to take his son into his home. THink about it. It's your own flesh and blood... and if you have children yourself, you should feel the same way. You wouldn't want your children to be thrown out, would you? No child deserves that, least of all the child your described, who had no choice in the matter AND who behaves and does no wrong.

    Try to make the best of it. It's a sign that although your husband f***** up and got the wrong woman pregnant, that he has not sent the child away to other family or to foster care. It speaks volumes that he is a caring and loving man. Yes, he f***** the wrong woman, but he is willing to own up and take care of his flesh and blood. That is a sign that he is a good man.

    I know men who have thrown their kids in the garbage. This boy is lucky to have his dad AND you.

    I feel your pain. But please... please show care for this poor child. It's not his fault.

    His mother deployed, she is in the military... while she could and should resign, she hasn't. I think she is a bad mother for joining the army instead of raising her child, but you can't control other people. You can only control yourself.

    I myself am raising my 2 kids from a previously failed marriage. And I cannot see myself abandoning them for any reason. And it's hard for me too, because my family is distant and they will not help (not that I'd ever ask them).

    I had a bad night last night... it's HARD being a parent. MUCH harder than being in the army.... much harder mentally and emotionally than anything you can ever do in life.

    Raising a child is the HARDEST, most DIFFICULT endeavor a human being can ever undertake. I admire your patience and I admire your husband's patience. Hang in there and love this boy.

    You will never know, you may gain a son that will love you his whole life and in turn help YOU when you get old, and be there for you when you are alone and need someone.

  • When I took on this..I knew that he had a child,, it wasnt until after we were married that the mother was given the choice to deploy or not...SHE DEPLOYED. I am a mother of two. My children are my world....they were born in wedlock, however I know that the parents relationship is the foundation..period..Its not choosing one over the other, but realizing that a vow is a vow. I am a very good stepmother, but it is completely natural to have those feelings of some type of resentment...you may say you don't to make yourself feel better..but if you were honest with yourself..you do to. This little boy will grow up and eventually find out that his mother was addicted to s** with numerous partners, videoing, and posting it. My husband is very much at fault for not being smarter and protecting himself. Yes, he is here..but the selfishness of them two will be paid for by the son they created...I don't mind raising and teaching him.....but that will always be there.

  • Hate to ruin your marriage...but your husband is probably still f****** the kid's mom!

  • I highly doubt that. I wouldn't listen to this destructive comment. I would ignore it. There is no use in speculating. You don't know what he is doing, and you can't go on what you don't know.... that's crazy.

    To the poster... continue raising and loving this child. You are his hope. You have a chance to make a difference in this sad, s***** world. You have an opportunity to extend love to another human being. AN innocent life and affect it positively. Hang in there. Do NOT dwell on the negative.

  • "continue raising and loving this child"...what the f*** are you talking about? This b****** kid has a mommy...she asked to be deployed to DUMP her kid! Tell the military to send her skanky ass home to care for your f****** kid!

  • I agree 100% that you should NOT be raising this woman's child! This other woman CHOSE TO DEPLOY so she could DROP her son on YOU! WTF was your husband thinking to accept the little snot factory on YOUR BEHALF! I would pack the kid off to his maternal grandparents and CONTACT THE SOLDIER'S UNIT COMMANDING OFFICER about the mommy soldier dumping her b****** kid on you while she deployed! That b**** should be sent home NOW to take care of her little baby batter freak! I would tell you husband to make the call NOW!

  • When this OP actually has her own child, she'll change her tune. Because she doesn't see this child as her own, that's why thinks she should come first. When you choose to have children, you do put your child first. And hopefully when that time comes, this son isn't forgotten. The biggest issue seems to be the mother of the boy. Not saying the mother of the boy is not a w**** or whatever, but the OP's husband had a role in making this baby. If he didn't want one, he should have been wearing condoms. This child is 4 years old..it's time for all three of the parents to all grow up and get on the same page with how this child will be raised. Parenting doesn't stop at 18. This is for life, so get used to it. Maybe a judge can decide custodial rights.

  • i do not agree with you about a spouse coming before your children. i am married and i have a 2 year old. if someone told me i had to choose between my husband and my child i would choose my child 100% of the time hands down, and i would expect my husband to do the same!! your children depend on you and did not ask to be born! so i applaud your husband for taking care of his son's needs before yours! i know it can be hard to have his son around to remind you of that past relationship but you knew that before you made the commitment dumbass!!! get over it and be an awesome stepmom to that little boy and your husband will love you more because of it!!

  • I'm sorry about that....I agree with you...but, it is your husband's son...and life is not perfect...
    To be honest...I would tell your husband that I did not marry him so that I could live with his b******.
    If he doesn't understand...then, I would look into leaving...if you have the means.

  • That comment is a horrible comment. It's disgusting for you to even think that way. I feel sorry for you... that is just horrible and a mentality like that you will NEVER find true happiness.

    True happiness comes from helping and serving others. It's only AFTER you put your own needs aside and put yourself aside that you are able to positively affect other people.

    NO ONE in their right mind abandons a child!

    I have faith and hope that the original poster will make the right decision, which is to stand by her man and raise ALL their children in a loving home!

  • You said, "NO ONE in their right mind abandons a child!"...I agree...so why did the b******'s mommy ASK to be deployed? Hmmmmmm? Well, why? You answer me that, and you will have answered your own question.

  • you are a selfish dumb c***!! if you know the person you are marrying has a child from a previous relationship then you know exactly what you are getting into!! what kind of person asks a parent to choose between them or their child!!! if they are an intelligent person and parent then they would and should pick the child and kick your ass out on the street!!! just some food for thought stupid!

  • Yeah, you tell this poor girl to live in f****** resentment her whole f****** life just for your little morality play..she should bail if her stupid husband does not put her first..tell the a****** mother to get out of the military and take care of her own g******* child...she CHOSE to have the little b******.

  • WTF is wrong with you calling an innocent child a "b******" ?

    Just reading that part of your comment tells me everything I need to know about you. And I wouldn't take your advice if they paid me!

  • Where do you get off calling that kid a "g******* child" and "little b******" WTF is wrong with you? You don't call a kid that, especially a kid that hasn't done s*** to you!

  • look up b****** in the dictionary, b****!

  • NO. You are WRONG.

    The #1 cause of 99% of ALL the problems in humanity is selfishness.

    We need to HELP our children NOT abandon them! Show them the way! Teach them right!

    I hate to get preachy but comments like yours blow me away. There is a HUGE problem when people say "f*** the kid. It's not mine. forget it."

    Life is not about you! People need to get over themselves and GROW up for God's sake!

  • The b******'s mommy was the ONE who asked to be deployed so she could LEAVE HER CHILD! Stop blaming this guy's wife and acting like she should raise his b******! The kid's mommy is the one who said, "F*** the kid. I'm asking to be deployed overseas so I can f*** every soldier for here to Tripoli!

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