I believe I'm never going to find love

I feel like I'm going to die alone. I'm not that social really since having to constantly move and being constantly bullied as a child, so it's an issue to just put myself out there. I'm a hopeless romantic with trust issues since I was, in all of my relationships, cheated on. I am bipolar with manic depression, and over the years I've given up on a lot. I haven't had a relationship for a year and a half to two years and s** is about the same length. I don't want to have s** until I'm in a stable relationship...which may be never. I just have no confidence at all and I'm not attracted to anyone except for one person...but he is gone now and I can only go off on memory. My situation isn't helping me...I'm currently moving house to house looking for work but nobody is hiring. I am also dealing with legal issues and enrolling for college though I have no money to get me through it all. I've been dealing with an avalanche of new problems which are taking a toll and I feel lonelier than ever because off all of it. I see all of my friends have someone special they can go to and feel loved. I envy them all when I should be happy for them. I think I deserve someone after all of the things I've been through. It was only december when I was at my lowest point in my life so far. It took two years of being at the bottom to realize I needed a change. I do believe I should at least be rewarded...I want to feel loved, I want to love in return, is that so bad to ask?

Jun 23, 2012

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  • Hi. I'm bipolar too. I'm having legal issues right now, as well. My financial situation has been nothing but struggle for a decade. I applied and was all ready to go back to school, but didn't have the money and convinced myself it was just as well to save myself the waste of time and trouble of a college education in today's financial climate lol. My last relationship was with a marginally abusive, drug addicted parolee that I finally got out from under 2 years ago. That relationship cost me custody of my child. I haven't had s** since my birthday last year. It's coming around in 2 weeks. Birthday sins are 100% judgment free. kinda embarrassed I've been on tinder looking for someone I liked, or was attracted to enough to psych myself into some birthday s** with, or maybe a fwb. i want and believe in "committed relationship s**," I have to be honest that such a relationship is probably the last thing I'm capable of handling appropriately right now. It sounds like you're in the same boat. I deleted tinder today though. There is one guy I'm texting. Still haven't met, but I think I'd like him well enough for a fwb... But I'm still trying to figure if I'm even emotionally, mentally, and even physically ready for that much. Getting your flirt on with tinder, is remarkably therapeutic. At least you don't feel nobody will ever want you. It kinda reminds me there are still fish in the sea... And one day I'll manage to reel one in.

  • I am 18 and I have the same issue. Listen to me PLEASE. Most women feel that they need a man and don't want to be single forever. They will do anything to get a man. Most women want to change themselves for men (get skinner or prettier). And everyone will tell to "find a man who loves you for you." That is all bullshit. This is the 21st century. You DO NOT need a man to be happy. You NEED to feel wanted and feel pretty on your own. If you don't feel that way don't date. All of my friends with boyfriends have no confidence (they get their "confidence" from their boyfriend telling them they are pretty). When they breakup they will not have that man anymore to tell them they are pretty and they will not have an confidence to fall back on. You need real confidence so when you do get a boyfriend you already know you are pretty. And you won't need him to be there to tell you that you are pretty. Just be okay with yourself and think of a boyfriend as a plus but not a necessity. Believe you will feel much better about yourself.

  • what, go to a f****** bar!

  • I myself have the same problem and I decided to just give up looking for someone. The next step for me the way it is going is suicide.

  • hey u didn't write about your family.that means u don't live with your family.wear good dresses,have a job(if u don't have any),try to look beautiful and find a girl(if u are a boy)and a boy (if u are a girl)

  • I feel the exact same way. I don't know what you've been though but whatever it is you have to be happy with yourself before anyone else can be happy with you. I'm embarassed to say how long ago my last relationship was, last time I had s** was, or even how many (very few) relationships I've actually had. I'm a romantic too and I'm not going to change for anyone. I have a lot of issues myself and hopefully can work through them someday. I believe the right woman is out there but finding her is hard. There is someone out there for you too. Just don't give up looking.

  • Thank you, and I do try and just try forgetting about this feeling but it's pretty hard sometimes. I mean I'm happy...I guess there is a dent in the happy factor for me and I feel like it'd be complete if I weren't alone...as pathetic as that sounds. And I hope you will find the right woman soon and thanks for commenting :)

  • You're welcome :) And Thank YOU for sharing because it helps see that I'm not alone in my feelings. What you said is not pathetic at all, and believe me I know where you're coming from. If I had that special someone my life would feel fuller. Just remember when you're at the bottom, the only place to go is up!

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