Live by the bottle, die by the bottle
I wish my ex girlfriend was dead.
Mainly for the fact she is an alcoholic and is killing herself.
I think i have too much pride to ever beg her to stop on my hands and knees, and i have this weird feeling that that is what she is waiting for.
I've been there for her through thick and thin. I took her to her first AA meeting, never abused her trust.
Her mother died of cancer but apparently she has always hated life really and wishes she was dead sometimes.
The fact she still has a dad and a sister (and me i guess), i find it really f****** selfish that she can't be strong for them, and herself more than anything. I try to get her to imagine how her dad would feel losing a daughter after losing a wife but it doesnt sink into her head.
I keep going round to see her every so often when she calls to check shes ok and she never changes.
She is on meds for depression etc now and starts a detox programme in 3 months (if she is alive then) and she is the sort to still be in bed crying and feeling sorry for herself when something important like that comes up.
It feels like she is being deliberately stubborn and I do feel like smacking her round the face but i doubt it would help. Her new phrase these last few days has been "have one of my diazi's and chill out" when i get p***** off at her. she wont go speak to a professional no matter how much i go on at her.
I cant focus on my work when she gets into my head. It destroys your life when someone you love or care about is killing themself on the bottle.
Had to get this off my chest. Im sure there are many details i have missed but whatever. Maybe someone can relate to this. over and out.