I don't know.
The slightest thing sets me off. My parents have unrealistic perfect expectations of me. I'm the perfect daughter- straight As, joined MENSA when I was 11, I have a few extremely close friends, all the teachers love me, I keep my room tidy, I make an effort with my appearance... when I was 11, I felt so fat and disgusting because people bullied me (I was about 5 stone, extremely underweight) that I starved myself. I went on a residential and I told someone that I was anorexic. They told their teacher, their teacher called Social Services, and they called my parents. I came home and the only thing my parents did was yell at me! They didn't ask about my wellbeing, they didn't care if I really WAS anorexic- they just cared about how it would look to friends. And I still feel ugly now, and I've just been diagnosed with Mixed Depression and Anxiety, and my GP tells me and my mother that I desperately need to see a psychiatrist, and my parents keep telling me to 'perk up!' and remind me that there's people worse off than me! I told them how I've been crying myself to sleep for the past six months and they don't care, they just don't care about me, the human being. I self harm, and I feel like my teachers care about me more than my family do- I'm really close to some of the English teachers, and they and my friends are the only people who've ever hugged me. They call me 'lovely' and praise me, they talk to me about my future (but not like my parents do; you MUST be a lawyer, you MUST be a doctor), they laugh at my jokes and take an interest in my life. I've considered suicide. I once showed my best best best friend my self harm scars and she just looked at them, said 'Okay.' and changed the subject! I feel so worthless- but a lot of the time I feel like I don't feel. I feel distant, and I tell myself what to feel. I'm scared and lonely and my parents monitor everything I do, they read my diaries, they read my emails, they do deep index.dat scans of the websites I visit... I feel like I'm going to explode, and I can't tell anyone because I'm only fifteen and they'll think I'm whining. And the teachers might listen, but I don't want to burden them, and my parents might yell at me.
I form obsessions too easily. These teachers are the only ones who've ever shown me some real affection, and I kind of stalk them? With my friend. We look at their facebooks, google them, and when we googled them we found their addresses. I feel dirty and ashamed and I want to die.