I don't care

I've been cheating on my husband with a much younger married man we both know, and it's been going on now for well over 3 years. I can't say I love the other man in my life, but I can say that I love the cheating, and I love the relationship, but honestly, the thing I've discovered I love the most is the fact that I'm soooooo good at cheating and that my husband is soooooo unbelievably clueless about my adultery. It makes me feel powerful over my husband and over my lover.

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  • i understand where you're coming from. i'm going on a three year affair with a chick i met at work. she can't f*** worth a damn, but its different and refreshing. additionally she is finally coming out of her shell and willing to try more sexual "stunts". we get together every few days and chat almost everyday. she also wanted more and i even suggested she should find someone to settle down with and have a normal relationship. i've even explained i have no intention of leaving my wife. she chose to stay realizing i will always put my family first, but she does provide a nice escape. :)

  • YES! I do understand! And I think your relationship is just fabulous, and I'm certain your girlfriend feels the same. Our culture seems to assume that the "other" woman is always sad and lonely and depressed and always feels used and marked and "sinful", but that is such a total crock of s***, and doesn't allow for the exception to the rule. While I readily admit that adultery isn't for everyone -- in fact, most people simply can't handle the rigors of multiple relationships -- there are many people (albeit a small fraction of the total population) for whom one sexual partner will never be "enough" because their appetites are just not like everyone elses, and/or because they have the focus and the mental capacity to absorb, organize and function in an environment with more than one primary relationship. I would even go so far as to say that the partner whose spouse is cheating can benefit from an increased level of desire by the cheater, without even knowing why. I suspect that's true of your wife, because you seem to have a very high s** drive and that's probably not limited to your lover. I applaud you for your openness, and I applaud your girlfriend for her willingness to do stunts. What a great relationship! Thanks for sharing!

  • I know that cheating feels good in a way, the things you are not supposed to do feel juicy. but i don't understand why would you keep cheating for so much time... cheating is usually a mistake, something that happens when you are drunk and miserable because he didn't remembered your birthday. and after the fun is over you feel like the most contaminated soul on the universe. if things don't go well between you and your husband get a divorce and sleep with guys you pick up at bars if that's what makes you happy. just don't pretend to be someone you can't be.

  • It's just exactly what you said it is: juicy. And that juiciness really doesn't ever go away and is a part of why people do what I'm doing. This was never about retribution or revenge or punishment, and I'm not unhappy with my husband. I just like the outside s**, and have discovered that I absolutely adore adultery. And as for this being a long affair, I'll just say that my friend Roni had an extramarital relationship for over 20 years that only ended because she and her husband had to move to another state, otherwise it would still be going on today. If you tried it, I'm sure you'd love it as much as I do.

  • It's women like you that make me afraid to get married. Women are just as bad as men. You will get caughty, you are just too cocky.

  • I have tried cheating, I always ended it quickly. What I discovered is that I can't detach my emotions from s**, I always want to communicate with the person everyday. Do you and your love speak everyday?

  • I totally understand what you're saying and I completely get it. Making myself disconnect was a substantial issue during the first year or so of the affair, because I wanted it to be like dating: the newness of the relationship makes you want to reach out and explore your partner and surround yourself in him and every aspect of his life. My lover, being a typical male, had no such emotional attachment, or at least not a deep one. As a result, I had periods where I was a little moody, petulant, irritable, because I thought there was going to be more than there was. I didn't ever want to leave my husband, or anything sinister like that: I just wanted someone to satisfy my intense (and increasing) physical desires AND add a bit of spice in the form of romance. That last part didn't happen.

    Then, one morning when I was in bed with my lover, I felt grouchy and bitchy and was about to take it out on him, once he finished off inside me, when it dawned on me: the physical relationship we had was truly spectacular, and (as I mentioned in my initial post) I thoroughly enjoyed the adultery and the power it gave me over two men, and that was enough for me. I realized I had more -- more s**, more love, and more control -- than most women ever get in their entire lives, and that was a phenomenal feeling. And a comforting one. That, as much as anything, is what has sustained the affair. The younger man I see knows nothing of this (I've just told you more than I've ever told him), and he wouldn't understand it if I tried to explain it: he's not terribly bright, but he has his uses.:)

    I know what you're thinking -- that it's awful to force youself to detach romantic love from physical love -- and you're right, but the upside has nearly always been better for me than the downside. So, I guess you can deduce then that my lover and I don't talk every day (again, I tried that at the outset, but it just added to the frustration of it not constituting 'dating', for me), but I don't feel that there's anything missing as a result of that fact: the s** is so good, and the cheating is so delicious, that it doesn't matter that I'm not immersed in this other man, nor he in me.

  • so you are a good s***...I'll bet your husband would hate you if he knew the real you....

  • Wow I have been cheated on and it was so painful, I am not in your shoes nor your husbands but I feel empathy for him if he ever finds out. You will destroy the trust, in your words "so unbelievably clueless" he is clueless because he trusts you :-) and why shouldn't he you are his wife the one he picked above all others to be with. I hope you are able to work things out before gravity comes crashing down. Everyone wants to be loved. Good luck

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