I am alone..
Sometimes I just wish someone would look through my search history.. I want someone to know, to care and maybe to even help. I am very suicidal and the only thing "stopping" me is the fact I keep failing.. Ive cut down the road and deep but still i am here. I fantasize about putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger, sometimes the thought is enough to calm me, other times im sent even deeper into depression by knowing i do not have a way of getting a gun. Part two is that now I am pregnant, it was planned but now i think it was a mistake. My fiance is abandoning me more and more and I cant help but think killing myself will make him see, make him realize what he was doing. Its the only way to end my suffering and to ensure another unwanted child doesnt enter this world.. and to hopefully hurt him the way hes hurt me all these years. I CONFESS... I NEED HELP. I NEED LOVE.