Brother and sister

My older brother K and I haven't been on talking terms for 2 years now. All this was because I didn't approve of his relationship with my best friend, X. I've tried (forced/pressured by my parents and closes friends) to talk to him last year twice, even apologizing, but he's just remaining really stubborn and not wanting to apologize bout his part. My younger brother, A, blames me for mine and K's argument, and for me "hurting" K's feelings when in fact K has already hurt mine so many times but we got through those just cause I let it all go without K having to apologize. But not this time, I want a REAL apology and not just a "let's put everything behind us" gesture. I've had enough of being put down, bring cursed at and used, and not getting the apology I deserve.
So even though we're living under the same roof, we tend to avoid each other as much as possible. He'd have his dinner later than us, wouldn't go for family outings, and mostly stays locked up in his room. My parents are still pushing to at least apologize or open up to him a few more times, but I'm just not strong enough to do that anymore. The hardest part is that we share the same circle of friends, so it's hard to answer questions like, "how's K doing?" or "K was so awesome in high school, mind telling him that I wanna have lunch with him someday?"
When it came to doing chores (mine was folding the laundry), each time I had to touch his clothes, I'd take like an hour just to get his done because I would just stare at them and not want to touch them. I'd always think to myself," Why do I have to do this? What has he done for me that I have to treat him so well?!" There are times when I'll even cry just looking at them, so I stopped doing his laundry. As of now, even A and K aren't talking after they had their argument, A actually stuck up for me and realized why I was mad at K for.
This caused my parents to be more upset with me, but they're so worried about K that they totally put my feelings aside most of the time, and that hurts. They're just so worried and scared that K might go into depression like the last time when X rejected him the first time, he totally shut everyone off. But if that's the case shouldn't they be getting him professional help rather than forcing me to do all the apology every time something like this happens?
My parents even threw him a birthday party for him last year, I got him a present but told my neighbors to give it to him saying it's from them. No one knows about this except them, and thank God about it.
Okay, what I wanna say is, I forgive K, but what's forgiving if I still want a proper apology and won't talk to my own brother unless he does? Am I asking for too much? I just want a proper apology, and why isn't he feeling responsible when he should? I mean he;s the oldest! But here I am now, my parents pushing all these responsibility to me when it should be HIS. I don't think I'm strong enough for this. I know the right way is to forgive and forget, but I can't get any closure from this without that ONE apology from K. That's all I'm asking for, but what should I do when I don't want to be the one to say, "let's just put every thing behind and move on" and know that I won't get THAT apology I want?

What do I do?

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  • It would be nice to mend the relationship for the sake of your family, but it also has to be what's best for you. You'll have to swallow a bit of pride because you may not get the apology you're looking for, because you're brother may not get why he needs to apologize. You may have to spell it out for him. But what is important, is that you get closure and it's on your own terms. What it sounds like, is that this issue is really just your issue.

    The toughest thing is that you two share friends. And yes, there should be some unwritten don't date my best friend without your permission, or don't ask your friend to do something and leave you out.. So it's only natural that jealousy may rear it's ugly head from time to time. What's interesting is that you were mad at your brother, but not your best friend. Why didn't she say no to dating your brother if she knew it would cause so much friction? You may not have liked them dating, but you really can't approve or prevent them from dating.

    My suggestion. Talk with K in private. And tell him what you're angry about..or were angry about. Ask him what he was feeling..and just talk. Get it all out. It's very possible, that he was so caught up in his own drama that he didn't know why you were so angry or didn't get it.

    But at least you get to say what you want. Don't bring it up again after this and move forward. Remember when you bring this up..if you say You did this..He will automatically be on the defense. So start out by saying..I felt this way when you began dating...It may help the outcome.

    It also sounds like your relationship needs to change overall. That you both need to treat one another with respect. No more name calling or put downs. You both need to learn to communicate maturely and effectively. Your parents also need to learn to not take sides. That just pits siblings against one another.

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