This you mean to me

I may not know everything about you.
nevertheless, I've found you among 100 million of
people.
i found you from so far away.
there's no proof but I'm very serious of it. of this.
i know i have hurt you million times. even though we are not even together yet.
you always tell me:
"you'll never learn"
and again you have right to say it. i know.
i don't know how to apology. i have done it all for you.. i have hurt myself for you, i have bought all i can for you. i have tried to treat you well and be loving. can i anymore do as strong impression as i did before with all my efforts?
i am afraid of the next time i do wrong. this is the last chance for me to apology in special way.
i do learn. and i did had reason this time, why i didn't tell you the truth. because i was protecting our love. doesn't it mean that i just love you too much to let go of you no matter how stupid i am?
but i did not lie to you when you asked me today. you should respect that. doesn't it mean that i don't lie to you when you ask me the truth?
so all other things you asked from me and you though i was lying when i said no, was not lying. otherwise i would had told you.
why didn't i tell you? because i know how angry you get, no matter where it happened. but i was afraid, i though i was doing good when getting rid of it. sorry.
i know i shouldn't had lied. i promised to you never lie many months ago. but i did now, for the first time after confessing on january.
i can't lie to you, because i love you.
and i wanna protect our love.
i am deeply sorry of my actions.
you should understand, since we haven't been fine lately- for long time. we can't be very much loving, since it's always another one being negative about something.
i am writing this now, asking for forgiveness. and asking us to be the way we were before. i did ask it many times before, and after asking it we did long time well, then i know, we always ended up to somwhere. but this time we must be able to stay strong for 2 weeks. after that we will have full new start. can we do it?
i am so sorry. i love you so much and i always loved you and only you. you are the only one i ever will love and i am run out of reasons to live if you wont accept my apology.

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