After all we've been through...

I am not going to apologize. I'm serious this time. I told you before that if you didn't want to try to work it out,in the future, that we couldn't be friends. I meant that. Especially since we aren't "friends" anyway. You don't want to talk to me or be around me because of guilt or whatever. But if I'm not acting like we're dating or talking about "us" then I dnt see the problem. When I first sent the message I kind of regretted it. because I started to feel like I should be there for you. But then it dawned on me... YOU DON'T WANT ME TO. No, I don't really hate you. I love you and I always will. But I don't know what else to do Donovan. What can I do. You told me I don't have a choice but to move on... After I told you a thousand times over that I would wait for you. How could I believe you? I really want to. But your words... and your actions don't show it. At one time they did. But now...Idk. Honestly, sometimes I feel like 'I know he loves me more than anything' and other times it's like 'Does he?'. Deep down I know that you do though. Maybe just not like you used to. I just don't want to lose what we've built this far. I'm hurt because of every flaw I set aside, just to keep you. Because I loved you so much, and nobody had ever made me feel so special. And it's hard not to think about when I see something that reminds me of a memory we shared... You say I'm in denial, but I really don't think this is the end. As much as I have tried to brainwash myself into thinking that it is. Last night, I wrote like 3 pages of stories and memories about you. So that I never forget how it was. In the beginning our love was so pure and so innocent, it still is. It kills me that that can never happen again. I dream about you every night. Just like I did when we where together. Nothing about the dreams have changed. It's like a stab in the chest when I wake up.I just felt like we were arguing a lot because the "honey moon" phase is over. That's when s*** gets real,and that's what real couples do, they argue. I honestly see now that it was not me. It WAS you. Because I honestly felt like, at the end of the day, if we loved each other... that's all that mattered if we wanted a life together. My thing is, I know that the next relationship will be the same way, but hopefully we both will understand what love really is. Hopefully he knows that even if we both have problems, we can help one another. I've always felt like there was nothing we couldn't do. No battle we couldn't win. But in reality. You obviously don't feel the same. I'm going to miss you so much . Everything about you, I swear. EVERYTHING. I love you so much.

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