I've never had a boyfriend

I've never had a boyfriend before.. I'm not ugly or nothing, I just haven't really put myself out there, also I moved to a girls school when I was 14 so thats another reason.
I'm not ashamed to tell people, but everyone gets a boyfriend so young now. Some of my friends went out with boys when they were only 11.

I didn't really took romantic feelings seriously untill I was about 14. A boy practially confessed to me and tried kissing me (missed, kissing my ear) when I was 12. But I thought he was joking, I was like 'Wha? Aren't we a bit young for this?!'
Sadly, he wasn't kidding, I never realized, so he began to tease me, but I think he still cared for me. Also I wasn't attracted to him, he wasn't exactly my type.
But he's the only boy, who I know of, who ever fancied me and I rejected him.

So, I moved to a girl's school when I was 14, so maybe if I stayed I would of got a boyfriend. But I'm sort of glad, I'd rather be single than be with someone who doesn't treat me nicely or cares for me at all.

But hopefully, I'll be starting college soon and I hope that I might meet someone. For the past 2 years, I've always seen guys which looked nice (strangers) or dwelled on boys which I fancied in the past (which never fancied me back).

Also lately, my thoughts on s** has changed, not because I've had s**. No, I've never dated a boy so that couldn't possibly happen. I've had bizare dreams where I'm having s**, even though, I wouldn't know what its like. This sounds so dum, but I feel like I dont know enough, so in the future I wouldn't look like an idoit. Like in movies and shows, (Friends for example), they say jokes about 'Mansutrationing' and all that. But I always get so embarrassed and awkward when people speak about it, like my friends, make jokes about Zac Efron and all that. And I'm just like 'Omigod just shut up.'
[HOW DID I GET ONTO THIS?!!]

Sorry I'll just shut up, I'm just, as adults would say, going through a strange stage in my life. But I when, or if I do, ever get into a serious relationship in the future. I just don't want to show myself up or freak out if he wants to.. Erm.. Get it on with me.
I'm probably over thinking everything, since I'm not with anyone right now. I'm just basically.. Scared, 'cause thats what all guys want in the end!!

BALALAALALA, sorry, all I want is someone to hold me in their arms, someone to have a laugh with and tells me I'm beautiful when I really dont look it!! Is that too much to ask for nowadays?

But, nope, I'm just a potatoe, I fancy someone one, come on too strong, the guy freaks out and runs for the hills. Or begin to bully me. I have dreams where a guy generally loves me, I wake up crying, 'cause I just feel so lonely sometimes when I see couples hand in hand.

If you have read all of this, you deserve a gold star and a pat on the back. Thanks, some of that was quite cringey. (well all of it, ha) <3

3 Comments

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  • I feel the same so don't feel too alone!

  • Poor me,i went to a Christian School.i wish i had your life,instead of my own.i alway's hated Public School.i never got my high school Done.i shall never get it done at all.That is how much i hate Public School.i chose h*** instead of heaven.i will never have Kid's of my own ever in this life-time.That is how much i hate Public School.I Loved my Christian School.I alway's felt safe there(lot's of Friend's).I will alway's hate Public School.I hate You.i hate all Public School Freak's.

  • How old are you bbe ? Ill help you out if i could im a guy

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