I Said I Did It When I Really Did'nt.

When i was 10 years old i was accused and blamed of sexual abuse on my 2 year old cousion. I said i did it when i was asked i dont know why i said yes i was only a kid and my parents had just both died so my head was pretty all over the place as it was. I was scared and did'nt know what to do, my accuser was a intimatdating and powerful person who manipaulated me into saying i did it. Now after that i was sent to foster-care for seven years in a country with no family around me at all so i had to grow up with no parents and no close family around me, which in the long run has had major long term psychological effects on me.

I grew up with no love off anyone, and thats no good when ur a kid you need parents and loved ones around you. i'm so insecure, i'm self conscious, I judge myself to hard, i cant get close to anyone, i cant express my feelings, i'm afraid of abandonment, I have social anxiety disorders, I'm afraid of people lookin at me cause it makes me nervous, thats a few problems i have i could go on.

All those problems because i said "yeah i did it" who would of thought they'd have those effects on me years later. I'm also afraid to try new things i like stuff the same, i mean i have not even eaten a big mac before! i missed soo many good times when i was a teenager because i was too afraid to take part in anything, i never kissed a girl, i'm inexperienced with women and i distance myself from them if i find myself gettin too close because they have hurt me before so i keep my distance even though i'm longing for someone to just love me.

Thats all i want just to know someone cares about me, but thats a differrent matter altogether, so anyways i have kept that to myself for 12 years and never told anyone i just needed to get it off my chest. I'm only 23 years old now.

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