Forever and always.

My love life sucks. It does. I fell in love with a boy, I'll call him Simba, when I was born. Literally, he was in the hospital when I was born. Ever since I can remember his adorable face, I've loved him. I always thought that he loved me too, and that we'd get married and live happily ever after. Then he moved away in the 2nd grade. We still went to the same school, but it wasn't the same. He met new people, became a part of a completely different crowd. We still talked, to this day even. We dated for two weeks in 7th grade.. and then I met this guy. I'll call him Liefje. Well, I didn't meet him for the first time, I've known him since 2nd grade. But we started talking again, so I left Simba.. and dated this boy for 2 years. Two years wasted on a low life who constantly cheated on me, lied to me, and did drugs behind my back. He's the reason I don't trust anyone. He's the reason I can't handle being touched sometimes, why I wake up crying, screaming. He ruined me, I can honestly say that. I left him, after he cheated on me (for the last time) with my "best friend". I left. I was broken. But it was over, and a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. It felt.. good. Until it crashed back down. It took me almost two years to get over him. Then, I met this boy.. my Sunshine. He was perfect. We met over the summer, and we were inseparable. But, I left. I was scared. I thought he would hurt me, like everyone else. I realize now that it was dumb.. I shouldn't have. I was happy, at least, for the most part. But I left. That was a year ago. So, now, here I am. Trying to tell Simba that his girlfriend doesn't deserve him. He's amazing. We've had a thing for about .. 4 years now. On and off. It's bad, I know. And if people found out what he did to other girls, they'd hate me even more. But I can't.. I can't help it. I've loved the kid since I was born. He's the only stable thing in my life that I have. I was hurt, betrayed, abandoned, and that has been embedded into my heart and brain. I've left a nice, perfect guy.. and I can't take that back. But I know Simba loves me, in our own messed up way. I know it. We have a connection. We can talk to eachother without speaking one word to eachother. He knows I love him, he knows I'd do anything for him. I just wish he'd see that. I wish I could stop having my heart broken over and over by relationships that will never work. I just want happiness, and sadly, I'll only be truely happy with someone by my side. I'm pathetic.

Simba, if she doesn't want you, she's crazy. You're amazing. You've been my best friend for almost 17 years. I love your smile, your dorky laugh. I love when you wear your glasses when you forget to put in your contacts in the morning. I love your freckles that are draped across your shoulders and faded down your back and chest. I love your stubble on your chin that you have when you don't want to shave. I love your green eyes, how I can convey any emotion that you're feeling just by locking mine with yours. I love how I feel in your arms, your grasp. I love how you taste, how you feel. I love you. I always have.
Just wish she could see the things that I see.
No matter WHAT stupid s*** you do, I'll love you.
I promise.

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