I feel really broken

I have been feeling really down lately. I'm a thirteen year old female and I just started my freshman year. Last week I laid in my bed and binge watched all the saw movies, final destination movies, etc. I didn't get up for days and didn't eat, go to the bathroom, or talk to anyone. I feel empty. I just laid there and let tears roll down my face. I honestly don't know what to do. I haven't self harmed in a long time but I just want to end it. Anyways, 4 years ago I met this girl named taylor and I ended up really falling in love with her and we dated on and off for about a year but fought all the time. We eventually stopped talking about 3 years ago. I reached out to her about 6 months ago and we've talked about how we still love eachother and we were sorry for hurting eachother. She says she loves me and I tell myself I love her but I feel emotionless. Does anyone else feel this way? I just feel like I will never be able to feel emotions like I used to ever again. Whatever ya know? My bestfriend was talking to me the other day about some issues with her family, and I said "Im so sorry, I love you so much and I wish everything could be different, Im sorry that I don't know how to make you feel better" she said "you're fine, you just don't understand anything I go through" and I just paused for a second because she just completely dismissed everything I've been through and how much pain I feel on a daily. My mom argues with me everyday and tells me how she hates it here, hates my dad, and wants to leave but im just so exhausted of hearing all this s***. I can't talk to anyone.. My own bestfriend makes me uncomfortable to talk to because she dismisses it or just says "oh", I don't want to be a burden to taylor because I feel like an attention seeker, I can't talk to my family because they just feel so disconnected to me. All of my friends I used to have randomly texted me saying f*** you and then posted my nudes on their stories, and hacked my account. I don't know what I've done to people that makes them hate me so much, but I just want to understand. I would do anything to end the pain. I want to be ok. for one second. same s*** different day. I just want to be alone in my dreams for the rest of my life and be away from reality. Anyways, if you've read this far, thank you so much for listening, it means an unbelievable amount to me. Have a nice day or evening <3

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  • I'm sorry you are going through this but you have a your whole life ahead of you, dont give up now.

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