I hate myself

I have never been able to openly admit that I was molested when I was little and that I am also a lesbian. Only my best friend knows and even then it took 15 years before I even told him. I am in denial and still live with my father who did it. There is something unnatural about it. But I don't have anywhere else to go. It happened so long ago when I was four until I was 10. I'm 20 and in my mind forgive him but some days I feel pathetic for never speaking up but I know he has changed I see it in him but I just want to forget it ever happened. But I can't he stopped when I was ten and has never touched me since but being around him makes me sick. I am at home bc I'm not done with college and well my mom never knew and will never I never plan to tell her bc it would drive her deeper into depression than she already is. I also realized I was a lesbian 2 years ago and well only my bestfriend knows. I meet him when I was about 5. He is the only guy I truly can trust. I see him as a brother and he sees me as a sister. He is gay and I am a lesbian. Its crazy bc I feel like we share so much in common and I am glad God put him in my path. I will never and have never looked at my father as a dad but I have forgiven him but I just pray I can move on and that when I do come out I won't have to use the abuse as a reason they should accept me being a lesbian. Anyways thats my confession

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  • Good you have someone to talk to. Just move on. It's the best advice I can give.

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