I feel so confused about my life. I'm just doing this because it was suggested and I was too scared to do something else. In fact, I didn't really know what I wanted to do. I've never felt so confused in my life perhaps because I let other people make decisions for me. I don't know anymore. I feel like I'm not really living my life in my shoes, but I feel so lost as to how to change that. I miss having my outlet, so I feel unbalanced. I'm scared. But whatever happens next, it doesn't matter. I'm not going to cry about it or be too upset. I already went through that once. I can't understand why I feel this way. I wish I was stronger to make my own decisions and didn't rely on other people to help me. Perhaps then I wouldn't be at this juncture in my life AGAIN. I know myself- I will make this a blur because I feel so lost, and then I will be at square 1 again. I hate how I push everyone who cared away. It's so lonely and all I can do is confess here at our lost I feel. Pathetic.