I'm a terrible human being...

I’m a 30 year old single white male high school teacher.
Up until last year, I was working in a very poor inner-city school district where over 95% of the students are African American. Our schools were in bad shape in general, and my school in particular.
Year before last, there was a girl who was in two of my classes – one on A Day, one on B Day – and she was the only student I saw every day.
She was a Junior, and due to her family situation, had just moved to our district the Summer before.
She had a very hard time socially – she just didn’t really fit in with the culture of the neighborhood where our school was located, was much more academically gifted than the overwhelming majority of other students in our school, didn’t have common tastes or interests with the other students, etc., etc…
I heard guys talking about her more than once, saying that they didn’t like her because she was “too skinny, and too ‘black,’ but she acted too white.”
I found the “too black” part confusing coming from African American students, until I came to understand that they meant that she had an extremely dark complexion, and that they preferred black girls with a lighter complexion.
I also didn’t really agree with the “too skinny” part, but we were in an area with a big obesity problem, and “thicker” girls did seem to be more popular with the boys.
She was genuinely my favorite student that year, because she was knowledgeable and intelligent, and was really the only one that ever participated in what were supposed to be class discussions.
And, in case it isn’t obvious by now, I also thought that she was absolutely gorgeous (although I’d never been involved romantically or sexually with someone of a different ethnic background than myself).
At the end of the year, she had the opportunity to move to live with a relative out of state, and spend her senior year at a much better school.
I’d had enough of the school district I was in, fighting losing battles there, and took a job at a school in the affluent suburbs of my city.
It wasn’t long before she found me on facebook and sent me a friend request.
I have always had a policy against accepting friend requests from students on facebook, but that time I made an exception.
We started chatting and exchanging messages, and I was able to explain that communication to myself as friendly and as an adult helping a kid out, because mostly we talked about her problems and I tried to advise and encourage her.
One night we were in the middle of a conversation online, and she was really pouring her heart out to me, and then suddenly said “I have to get offline – can I please have your number so I can finish telling you in a text?”
I gave her my number, and so then texting became part of our communication as well, and we were communicating more and more and more.
Then, one night she called me, so we started talking on the phone as well…
And slowly, gradually, over the course of that first semester, the content and nature of our conversations eventually changed.
Then she started sending me photos of herself, and those photos started getting more and more… personal, I guess.
It wasn’t long after the New Year that we started having phone s**.
I dated someone close to my own age during that time as well, but was able to juggle both without the girl that I was dating here ever finding out, although we eventually broke up for other reasons.
At the end of last school year, she had to move back here, again because of her family situation.
We actually have the same birthday (something else we bonded over when she was my student), and not long before she moved back here, she had turned 18 and I had turned 30.
We made plans to meet somewhere in a part of town where neither of us was likely to run into anyone we knew.
We had dinner, then coffee, and then decided to go back to my house to watch a movie.
Back at my house, it wasn’t long before we started making out, and – of course – we eventually had s**.
It was, hands down, the best, most amazing sexual experience I’ve ever had.
Back to the “skinny” thing, yes, she was skinny, but she had large(ish) b****** that were firm and perky, and a round, firm butt, too.
In other words, skinny where it mattered, but not skinny in other place where it mattered, too, if you know what I mean.
Just an amazing body, really.
Anyway, it was great, at least for me, but maybe not for her.
Maybe it didn’t live up to her fantasies.
She seemed to be having a great time, though, if you know what I mean, but eventually had to leave because she was expected back home (she got calls before she left asking where she was and when she’d be home).
We texted and talked some more over the next few days, and everything seemed great, but when I tried to make plans to get together again, she said she couldn’t ever see me again, and wouldn’t tell me why.
So, of course, we stopped talking, and she “unfriended” me on facebook.

Report this


  • newest
  • oldest
  • most replies
  • most popular
  • Um, why would you never get involved "romantically" or "sexually" with someone from a different ethnicity? You sir, are a freaking stupid douchebag. We're all humans, some people just have more or less pigment than other people. And honestly, no one is perfectly "white" or "black" sometime a long in the past your ancestors mixed races - even if it was just a white man and a Hispanic woman. So you don't wanna mix ethnicities? Okay, then you obviously wouldn't wanna marry Sofia Vergara, Penelope Cruz, Salma Hayek, Mila Kunis, Halle Barry. Yeah. Look them up, what about now, douchebag? Go to h***.

  • You obviously clearly misunderstood me. I said that I never had been before. I stated no aversion or objection to it. The story is about me having such a relationship, in fact. I have had others since. I find women of all backgrounds attractive.

  • Poor girl doesn't know what she's missing. I would have stuck around if I was her.

  • Oh, and as far as why she hasn't gotten back to you, the reason she disappeared . . . she probably felt guilty and told someone. When she told someone there reaction might have been enough to scare her. Even though she may have enjoyed you as much as you enjoyed her, emotionally it's a completely different experience for the young girl than it is for the older man.

    To be clear, I am 34 now but I was with a high school teacher, too. Ultimately, we had fun but it was at a big price!

  • This was an interesting post but the more interesting post was the young girl giving you advice. I will add this:

    Eye contact. If you give a young girl full attention without making it about physicality but, instead, about intelligent questions that show interest, you will strike an interest.

    If she brings up the age difference don't say something cheesy. Just be transparent. Say something real and truthful. For example, instead of saying, "I like 'em young" or something equally smarmy, just acknowledge the difference and ask, "Does that matter to you?" Something like that.

    Don't be co-dependent. One of the reasons older men are more desirable to younger women is that they are more self-sufficient. More consistent. They know how to have fun, laugh, be goofy but also how to hold down a job, invest intelligently in conversation and they aren't "silly" when it comes to being physical.

    Anyway, those are my thoughts. And I know a lot about this particular topic. I've only dated older men.

    I’m not the pushy type, so I let it go.
    It’s been over 3 months, but I still wonder why.
    I knew we couldn’t have a real relationship, but I thought that our sexual relationship could at least continue for a while in secret.
    I know it was wrong in so many ways, and I do feel extremely guilty about it, but – at the same time – I really enjoyed it as well…
    Not just the s**, but the whole thing from when we started communicating after she moved away.
    I haven’t been involved with anyone since then, and ever since then, when I m*********, my mind drifts to her, whether I want it to or not.

  • Well s***. It's possible. I'm an 18-year-old girl and incredibly attracted to men around 25-30; not because of their physique but because of their maturity too. I didn't know the feeling could be mutual. In regards to your situation, I'm not sure it would be a good idea to pursue her seeing as she is your former student and that's a slippery slope. I don't know what was running through her head but I can tell you that if it's been over three months, she's not coming back. I'm very sorry. But hey...maybe it will bring you some sense of happiness to know that your story gave me hope of finding a lovely older gentleman such as yourself who would be attracted to someone of my age. Thank you. I hope things work out for you in the long run. Please take care.

  • What a sensitive and thoughtful reply. I'm in a similar boat. I am actually a more naughty guy though. I am married and would just die for my wife's cousin. She is so kind, gentle, patient, and quite frankly, the most beautiful creation God ever made. I have told her I like her, but she gently pushes back. I'm not sure what I should do either!

  • You're a real dirtbag. I hope your wife's cousin isn't stupid enough to fall for your crap. Cheaters are one of the lowest forms of human life, and nobody should ever get involved with a cheater. They don't have the ability to care about or respect another person. If you'll betray your wife to be with her cousin, then eventually you'll betray the cousin, too, if you get a chance to do so. You say you don't know what you should do, but I do - you should kill yourself.

  • I'm a little older than the OP (I'm 32), and feel like I'd be a lot happier with a girl around your age or a little older.
    The trouble is, I don't know how or where to meet girls your age, or, if I do meet them, how to approach them without feeling like a creepy pervert.
    Got any advice?

  • You are talking to me, the girl, right? I can give you advice on what I do and what I want in return but I don't want to make a total idiot of myself if you were actually talking to the man who posted this.

  • Oh. Oops. Just read that again. Sure I'll give you some tips. Just remember this is coming from one girl's perspective and that I can't speak for all of us:

    Generally, I feel that girls like me are more mentally mature and therefore prefer to be away from normal 18/19-year-old groups strictly because the mentality is different. Therefore, though I like seeing my friends, an ideal night would be spent alone out on the town. I live in Orlando and as you could imagine there are infinite things to do on any night, so from time to time I will go out for a dinner or evening of dancing or networking at a hotel/convention center. I feel that this makes older men such as yourself more interested and find me more easily-approachable. In fact, over the summer I met a fine gentleman named Jim. 33. He impressed me because he knew what he wanted but didn't hastily jump the gun. My advice to you is to always keep an eye out for girls who don't look to be part of a younger crowd. You may see us striking up conversation with other adults or workers. Come talk to us, but please don't be too forward at first. Keep your cool and allow the conversation to go naturally. If you start talking to us and we have a conversation with you, I can assure you, we're interested and know perfectly well what we're doing.

    And personally, I love it when a man offers to buy me a drink.

  • Yes, I'm talking to you, the girl.
    Where does a man my age meet a girl your age?
    How does a man my age approach a girl your age?
    How can I do any of this without seeming like a creepy pervert?

  • I beat you to commenting. Read what I wrote above :)

  • Also: We know what we want and we'll take the appropriate measures to show that we are not interested in college-age men. If you see a younger woman who took the time to go out and present herself in a more adult environment, that's your green light. Go get her.

  • Wow! Thank you very much! That was extremely helpful! Makes me wish I lived in Orlando! One more question (for now): If a girl brings up the age difference issue, what's the best way to address that? Is it a sign that she's not interested?

  • You're very welcome! And I think it would depend on how she brings it up. For me, the only reason I would bring up age is because I'm honestly curious as to how old the guy is. Not for any bad reason but simply because I really am wondering. So when I ask about age, I make sure to 1) do it with a smile and 2) make sure to state that I find older men very sexy. It gives you guys that boost of confidence and lets you know that hey, I really AM interested. Sometimes I feel reluctant to tell a man I'm 18 though. I feel like they'd be freaked out to know I'm even under 21 (So you see, the age difference is something we're both self-conscious about, not just the guy). But I mean, both parties are certainly aware that there's an age gap already. Just say your age and casually ask her how old she is in return. If the ages are stated and the girl continues the conversation with you, I'd say don't worry about it. Good luck :) and definitely visit Orlando one day! It's a great place, and there are tons of chicks here. Haha.

  • Just saw that you said one more question for now. So if there are more questions, I'd be happy to answer them. I just feel bad that this poor man has to read all these comments irrelevant to his post. Give me an email or something if you want to keep chatting!

Account Login
Is this post inapropriate?
Is this comment inapropriate?
Delete this post?