Frustrated

I don’t know how to even start this ...Before my mother recently passed. I was her caregiver for a very long time, a lot of my life was taken up by caring for her. During her illness I had I suffered through a deep depression and felt like I had no life. One day while at my job on my lunch brake , I decided to join kik to see what it was all about. I quickly started chatting with different people from my local area. The nature of some of the people I interacted with were very nice and sometimes open about problems they faced as well. I felt a connection with some of them and also a attraction, it was nice to just have someone to talk to because I had no one. I was single not married nor did I have children. One woman I became friends with rather quickly invited me to a lunch with some of her friends. I went thinking it was just a friendly meetup and nothing more... I was shocked to find out the real intentions of why I was there. It was a group of about 3 ladies that made a believe it or not s** pack they privately formed. I didn’t see it coming lol plus I was a bit guarded about the whole thing, I thought this was something that was made up an things like this didn’t exist. After a few months of being sexually frustrated , I finally gave in and decided to meet up with the ladies at a hotel. I arrived and it was a orgy which blew me away. Some of the people that were there was also married couples. I agreed to massage and the rest was history. I was having safe s** more times than I could count, but my depression still was hanging on me even harder. I felt I wasn’t worth anything and felt that by doing this with different people I didn’t want a love connection or anything serious. If anything I just wanted to feel good for a moment while going through my daily struggles. Eventually I ended up being called this couples favorite Bull and would end up f****** others as well. From a 3way to a 8way orgy I stayed having great s**. So to speed things up some... before my mom passed she talked to me about finding someone and settling down and having a family. I loved my mom and did what I could to make her happy an I also wanted to be happy myself. I finally did meet a wonderful woman and settled down. I gave up the lifestyle because I felt I didn’t need or care for it anymore. I was ashamed of my sexual past and didn’t want to tell my now wife about things I have done or seen. But due to my phone being unlocked one day my wife saw everything and I confessed about some things I did. We have been married only for a year and it’s been the hardest year I ever dealt with. We argue about small stuff as couples do, but when she wants to hit me below the belt she will say something to the effect of being married to a man-w****. I completely shut down and feel embarrassed about it. We talked things out for the better and are making it the best way we both can. My issues currently are dealing with us still being newlyweds is the intimacy and her being insecure to the point of her wanting to know who I’m talking with or where I’m going and how much time I’m talking with my family. I moved from South Carolina to New Mexico for her due to issues with her ex and a daughter they have. I have no one here and I’m lonely. She tries to control how much time I speak with my sister or even talking to other family members. I feel with her trying to cut me off I’m unhappy. The intimacy at one time was okay but now my needs aren’t even getting met. It’s like I have to bargain with her to get even oral. She joked about her getting me a stroker which shocked me when she actually got it. Then got upset with me due to the fact that if I use it on myself then absolutely I’m replacing her.. WTF!! She used to keep a s** app and mark how many days we would have s** which I felt was a s***** way to keep account of how many times we do it. She likes to point to it when we’re arguing, for a month I worked this job that left my back in so much pain that it also effected my lower back which affected me being able to perform sexually. I got help with my back and tried to show my wife I’m good and let’s spark up our intimacy.....long story short I get s** maybe once or twice a week, barely any foreplay despite me trying to perform oral on her I still get nothing in return. I shouldn’t have to sneak around to look at p*** and stoke off but I’m losing my f****** mind... I try to be compassionate and understanding about a lot of things in our relationship but I feel trait and sad to say... but I miss the s** I was used to getting... she’d rather eat in bed play video games and pass gas all the damn time...one day I didn’t give a f*** and wanted s** from her ... we play wrestle which made me even hornier.. I ripped her panties off flipped her on her stomach and while grabbing her legs I ate her out from behind. F***** her senseless and till she squirted everywhere and I was satisfied. That was maybe 4 months ago and now my s** life is meh... I know I have been jumping around with this confession but I just have so much that angers me that I’m getting no where...

Jan 18

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  • Firstly, I’m sorry for the passing of your mother. I’m glad for you that you were in a position to care for her.

    Secondly, please stop feeling guilty or ashamed about the experiences you had before you were married.

    It sounds like you’re a bit stuck in a ‘point scoring’ loop that your wife has projected onto you from her previous relationship hang ups, which is BS of the highest order, and potentially made worse by your own shame cycle causing you to allow it, as if you might deserve it.
    You don’t. No one does.
    Your want for intimacy, emotional or physical, is a wonderful thing, and should never be weaponised to harm you. People who love you don’t do that.

    In order to hold her to account for being an arsehole, from a place of calm empowerment, you need to forgive yourself for any choices you made (that have nothing to do with her, and harmed no one) so that you can rationally explain what aspects of your marriage are not working, and then offer her some choices.
    Everyone has to carry their own baggage, and own their own s***. IF that’s not possible, consider moving on, for your own sanity and happiness.

    Also, isolating you from your family is straight up a form of abuse.
    Make some time to catch up with your sister, 1v1. Her, and/or anyone else who has your happiness at heart.
    Get back to reinforcing your own support network, and aiming for your healthiest, happiest, highest possible good.
    She will either get with the program, or you’ll find someone else that does.

    End rant.
    Good luck!

  • I truly thank you for the positive response, Just lately I feel I’m in a bad position. It will take some time for this to take affect, I hope things will get better and if not I’ll know what I have to do to be happy for myself.

  • Wow!! Great story. I don’t understand how women can only do it twice a week. I’m a woman that wants it like at least 2 times a day.

  • 2 or more would be even better lol I just feel lost , I’m not asking for much. A few times I suggested morning s** to send her off to work in a good mood.... nope

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