Confused

I really like N, but he just left for the marines a few days ago. I also am best friends with J, who is his little brother. And I also know that he's a manwhore. I don't know why I like him, but I'm pretty sure I do.
When you take away the s** and drugs/alcohol, N is the guy I've been waiting for to come along.
The problem is all that stuff is hard for a person like me to get around smoothly. And I'm nothing more than a friend to him.

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