If only

My childhood was full of pain, torment and loneliness. All I had was my family and even they were total strangers to me. My mother is extreme overly everything- protective, micro managing, rude, and sometimes downright abusive of her title as my so called 'mother'. The only thing that has kept me going is my boyfriend, who is my reason for living. I am only 16, so my nightmare in my house continues. I don't know how much longer I can take it. In accordance with the law and physical 'abuse', my mother's hands are clean. If I could leave this house on the basis of mental and verbal abuse, I would. But according to society and the way my mother guilts me into feeling bad, I can't because she's 'teaching me a valuable lesson'. Yeah, I'd like to know how calling me a worthless, stupid w**** is teaching me anything but hatred and contempt for my own family. I wish I could have a normal family . A family where my only friend isn't on a ship seven thousand miles away, where my older sister actually cares about me, my younger brother isn't a p**** that is pampered by my grandparents, my father is more than just a hated memory of a stoned drunkard who couldn't have the decency to be a good husband at the least, let alone a father, and a mother who didn't treat me like the dog s*** on the floor. Who didn't treat me like a slave , talk to me like I'm nothing but trash, and control mylife while she's at it. I've done everything she tells me to. I clean the house, I maintain above average grades, I behave in and outside of school, my boyfriend is a decent guy who would never do anyone but protect and love me. H***, even my boyfriend can't wait until we move out. He sees the way my mother treats me. He knows what I endure day after day. He is my only light as of now. What is supposed to be my backbone, my support and love of a family is nothing but a facade put on for the evening guests. Why can't I at least move out and live with someone else? Or my own life? Somebody please tell me what I've done wrong. Or how to end this nightmare...because I've tried moving out. There's no legal way for me to do it. I've tried. And the last time I did, I got a screaming mother in my face telling me how much of a spoiled brat I am and that I deserve nothing. I wonder if she even remembers the things she says to me . Most of the time she's drunk. But she always acts like she's an angel.

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